IS MY TIMING THAT FLAWED?

Two bands who were essentially the same (Joy Division) are coming back at the same time with new albums. We have heard the first tracks from these albums and we like them. To be honest I've listened to the Editors one a lot more than the Interpol one but I really like the Editors one (sorry the quality isn't that great).

I think Interpol probably have more to prove as they're on their third album but so many bands don't get a chance past the second effort so maybe Interpol are in the clear. It's just that the second album didn't sound that much different from the first.

Anyway, someone else can decide as I'm obviously terrible at making decisions for myself.

MP3: Interpol - The Heinrich Maneuver
MP3: Editors - Smokers Outside The Hospital Doors

Buy Interpol
Buy Editors

P.S. My father was actually the first person who told me about the smokers at the hospitals. He saw an old man with a drip wearing a robe smoking in the hospital car park. He said it was pretty sad too.

JOURNEY THROUGH THE DESERT

Queens Of The Stone Age are back. Or should we say just Josh Homme these days? It's certainly a Nine Inch Nails style situation now. Is the Troy fellow from A Perfect Circle in the band? Are they better or worse without Nick Oliveri? Personally I think he should have a touring band and then create mini bands for each song. But I think that's what The Desert Sessions was anyway.

So anyway, the first two songs from Era Vulgaris are here. 3s and 7s has been doing the rounds on some radio stations and Sick, Sick, Sick is on the E-card (or something). My pick of these two is Sick, Sick, Sick but I always like the long songs like In My Head, Better Living Through Chemistry and so on.

MP3: 3s and 7s

MP3: Sick, Sick, Sick

Buy the album

I WAS DELAYED I WAS WAY-LAID

Having thought about the whole mp3 blogging thing, I can now reveal that I will take my first steps into the medium right now. I can either have some of my own up courtesy of Mr Linacre or I can just link back to other songs I know are available free (legitimately or otherwise).

MINUS THE BEAR - Dr. L'Ling (mp3)

Minus The Bear are a band I bought the CD of when I was in America last year. I only bought it because I couldn't find the Protest The Hero album. Some people would describe them as 'Math-Rock' but that doesn't really describe them. Their previous album, Menos El Oso is an amazing piece of work. The video for Pachuca Sunrise is evidence of this below.

Dr. L'Ling is the first song to be released from their forthcoming third (?) album Planet Of Ice, which is out in August. It confused me a bit because the song's title looks remarkably like Drilling of the previous album (and they've done a remix album)

That was far too much information. Just take the song and watch the video.



Or you can keep it from this link and if you like it have the mp3

LET IT B-MINUS

I've been getting heavily into the mp3 blogs that are scattered around the interweb. It's a great way of hearing another track from a n album that isn't the single. And it appears the record companies (with the exception of Domino regarding Arctic Monkeys) don't mind that this happens. It also lets you have a clearer conscience on finding free music, without resorting to bit torrents and such like.

I, however, do not know how to create such a blog as it appears you need to host the files somewhere and I wouldn't want to get anyone in trouble.

I have however found out that you can imbed youtube clips into a webpage. So I'll just do that instead.

COLLECTING PAGE SIX LOVERS

I get a bit annoyed when people on a group email send one back saying "please stop pressing Reply All, I'm very busy". What do you do that's so important that you can't read a few emails that might be funny? If you stopped to read them would the world stop turning? For heaven's sake, you're not Alan Jackson. I don't mean the large black man who was in Eastenders. Alan Jackson is a Country singer who wrote a song about 9/11 called 'Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning?' But that doesn't really make sense to the previous point.

There are two types of Country star: the hats and the no-hats. One stalwart of the hat is Tim McGraw. The hats don't write their own songs but they do wear hats. The biggest no hat is Keith Urban. You may chuckle that his name is Urban and he is a Country singer. Well it's his name. He is Australian (or from New Zealand) so he probably didn't think he would be a Country singer. Yes, it's ironic, but he's big in Southern United States where there is no irony.

T SHIRT AND TIE COMBINATION

I've discovered a problem involving me and fruit.

I like fruit. It is tasty and natural and good for you. However as I go out a bit, I find it hard to eat all the fruit I buy before it goes off. Also, half the fruit in the crappy Somerfield in Brentford is quite frankly rubbish. I was a satsuma man for a while, or what I conceived to be satsumas. Sometimes they were clementines, mandarins or tangerines. I have no idea which are small, which are easy to peel, which are sour and which are sweet so I invariably buy the wrong sort, get pissed off with them, and throw them away before I finish them. Or when I buy them from Somerfield (nickname needed, perhaps Scummerfield - Jesus, you should go there on a Saturday afternoon, my shopping time. It's a mentalists day out. And for some reason, careworkers seem to think that people with Down's Syndrome want to go to the supermarket on the weekend. I'd prefer to go to the park myself) they are usually half alright half rotten.

So I switched from satsumas (or whatever they are) to apples. And here lies my problem. I have some sort of allergic reaction to fruit of which you can eat the skin. It started with the nectarines and peaches I bought outside Clerkenwell station. And the strange thing is the reaction is akin to my symptoms of hayfever. I get itchy eyes and a runny nose.

The solution would be to wash the fruit, but I've done this and sometimes whatever is on the skin (or just the skin itself) still has the same effect, not all the time, but washing is certainly not fool proof. So it now seems that the only fruit I can eat with any confidence is the banana, and there's no fun in just eating one type of fruit. Maybe if I cut and peeled all fruit like my mother used to do when I was 5, but I will be ridiculed.

I need to learn about orange fruit a bit more.

ROKKARD AND PROSPER

The lack of updates is alarming, even for me. At present my effort is going ino the Rokkard Myspace and Blog, which can be viewed by following the preceding links.

I feel a rant coming on about the Brits though, but by the time I do, I will be woefully out of date.

CHAIRS THROWN AND TABLES TOPPLED

As I'm a little anal, I went through my gig tickets to see where I've been this year. As it's only on tickets, there's probably a few guestlists that I can't remember. So why not compile a gig list of the year?

Be Your Own Pet at Camden Barfly 2nd February

I knew two songs but they totally blew me away. Jemina Pearl shouted the crowd down when they called her 'darlin' and the first words out of her mouth were 'I'm an independent motherfucker'. A star for the future.

Thrice at Brixton Academy 4th February

For once, the sound was perfect from the start. They opened with The Earth Will Shake and you could hear the organ bit in the middle. They co-headlined with Coheed & Cambria, but there was only one winner.

Arctic Monkeys at Brixton Academy 17th February

They were great but what amazed me most about this gig was the amount of people who left after the Monkeys and didn't bother with Maximo Park. About a quarter of the venue left, we were almost carried out the door with the wave.

Raconteurs at Astoria 23rd March

Much better live than on the album. That's all.

Imogen Heap at Shepherd's Bush Empire 30th March

Very surprised at how good this was. I had no expectations and was utterly engrossed. Her voice was amazing and also played Let Go (Frou Frou song from Garden State).

Pearl Jam at Astoria 20th April

I can't really say much more than seeing my favourite band at a much smaller venue than they should play on my birthday. The set at Reading was better, but I could see them here.

Hot Chip at Astoria 11th October

More like a rave than a gig. I just hope they play Brixton and go on until 2 in the morning. Everyone was dancing to Over & Over at the end.

Tool at Wembley Arena 27th November

The lasers Jerry, the lasers. Into the top ten gigs ever. Great sound, great set. Did I mention the lasers?

Disappointments? Ryan Adams (did I say that?) at Shepherd's Bush and Foo Fighters at Hyde Park (too quiet).

THE STREETS ARE IN DISTRESS

I may be presumptious in writing this, but I wanted to comment on the terrible journalism surrounding this Ipswich prostitute murder case. Specifically after the arrest of the first man, whose name I believe is Tom Stephens.

Anyway, I read in the Star, and more pointedly the Metro, their personality analysis of this man, by looking at his Myspace page. As a myspace regular, the level of ignorance here was higher than I have ever witnessed in my life. Now excuse me if I don't get the quotes exactly right, but I am little hungover and am writing from memory. The first point one of these papers made was that they highlighted that Mr Stephens was a loner who used social networking sites. He was on the site for friends and 'serious relationships'. AS IF IT WAS WHAT HE WROTE. It's an option you put down. Some people see it as a dating site. Some people go on there for a laugh to see what will happen. The picture painted was that by going on an internet social site made you a weirdo. Anyway, the next point was that they said he described himself as 'athletic'. AS IF IT WAS WHAT HE FUCKING WROTE. It's an option. They also said that he called himself 'The Bishop'. Granted, he did write this. But nowhere di he say that his name was the Bishop. His name is Tom and under the photo it says Tom. In the area where you write a quote, he put 'The Bishop' presumably because he's into said comic character.

Deep breath. It was also said that his hero is Hong kong Phooey, and it made out that this was a loner's answer, because who could possibly have a cartoon character as their hero. What irks me most about this is

a) he's now been released, probably completely innocent and their hard investigative work is in vain but most importantly

b) all the fucking Daily Mail readers (I didn't read the Daily Mail's coverage but it probably all but crucified him for ever having sex with a prostitute) now think that anyone with a Myspace page is a pervert and borderline serial killer. Jesus, you look at anyone's page and they say something stupid about themselves. If I was arrested and they looked at my page they would probably say' this man is a deranged loner who delusionally sees himself as the living embodiement of David Niven'.

It reminds me of an Eddie Izzard bit where he goes into a newsagent tv'd up asking for a packet of crisps. 'What, you eat crisps? I'd thought you wanted to shag them'.

Small mindedness pisses me off, and I have now cancelled my Daily Mail.

PRAYERS

Apologies if that video doesn't work too well

YOU EVER HEARD A STORY OF MISTER FADED GLORY

Not a proper post, just an excuse to put the Bloc Party video up here. Initially I thought it was rubbish, but now I really like it.

Christmas is coming. I see ITV have pulled out all the stops by showing the first Harry Potter film on Christmas Day, the same film BBC showed 2 years ago I think.

Thank god Ray didn't win the X-Factor. He really is the most odious little goblin I have ever seen in my life.

LOOK AT ALL THE LONELY PEOPLE

The time has come, because it's December, there doesn't seem to be anything else being released this year and I'm ill and bored, to compile the best albums of 2006 list. This is a tricky one as the mind is usually skewed towards records released in the latter stages of the year, records which are fresh in the mind. To compensate this, I will trawl my iTunes for items added this year (and released this year too).

So in no particular order:

Brand New - The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me

My Chemical Romance - The Black Parade

The Young Knives - Voices Of Animals And Men

Rise Against - The Sufferer & The Witness

Peeping Tom - Peeping Tom

Minus The Bear - Menos El Oso (but this may have been last year)

matt pond PA - Several Arrows Later

Pearl Jam - Pearl Jam

Tool - 10,000 Days

Be Your Own Pet - Be Your Own Pet

Arctic Monkeys - Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not

I think that's it.

Tracks of the year is a different matter. It's far too difficult to think about that, so here are the most played songs on my iTunes that were (perhaps) released this year and are not in the album list:

Sean Lennon - Dead Meat

The Kooks - Eddie's Gun

65 Days Of Static - Radio Protector

Imogen Heap - The Walk

Audioslave - Revelations

Mogwai - Friend Of The Night

Taking Back Sunday - Spin

The All-American Rejects - Move Along

DJ Shadow - This Time (I'm Gonna Try It My Way)

Josh Rouse - It Looks Like Love

A good ten track album.

YOU COULDN'T HANDLE THAT SHIT ON STRONG ACID

It was the fat lesbian from the Gossip. This is wrong because it gives people the false hope that anyone can become a rock star. It is also wrong because fat people shouldn't be rock stars. Rock stars should be people we wish we were. They are better than us. They wear clothes we would never get away with. They start trends. They change our lives. I want my rock stars so high up on a pedestal that I can never dream of touching them. I want them taking drugs. I want them making music on drugs. Rock stars shouldn't be fat. If I want to see a fat person I'll watch Wife Swap or go to Chicken Cottage. How can you worship a fat person. We can all be fat. We can't all write Reptilia.

HOW ABOUT HIM? IS HE COOL?

This Wednesday sees NME publish their, quite frankly, horrible 'Cool List'. The Cool List is an excuse for NME hacks to name all the new artists before anyone else to prove they are so on the pulse, even though half of the peole they name will either be forgotten or hated by them a year later. It serves no purpose and doesn't mean they'll sell anymore records. If anything, more kids will dress like said cool people and then they'll become out of fashion even more quickly.

I can't guess who will top the list this year, but I can have a go at who will be high up the list, just by seeing the bands who always appear in NME but don't sell any records:

Kate Jackson from The Long Blondes - A band who've been at it for 4 years but had to wait for the new Britpop phase to come back again.
Faris Tosser from The Horrors - Poor.
Jarvis Cocker - Proof that if you wait long enough, people will forget your shit albums.
Noel Gallagher - He's got a Best Of out but, I quite like him, and
Albert Hammond Jr.
Pete Doherty - but he won't be number one as NME have to stop glamourising his drug use.
Lovefoxxx from CSS - She might actually be number one, if only NME had written an article on them before the Guardian did.

When I thought about this before, I had a lot more bad bands in my mind. I feel as though I've let meyself down a bit. We'll see how I get on.

I suppose after slagging a few people off, I should put my neck out and say who I think is cool. It's very subjective, but I won't apologise. So in no order:

1. Gerard Way (see last post)
2. Ryan Adams - He may be a shit half the time, but the other half makes up for that.
3. Billie Joe Armstrong - The new king of reinvention.
4. Paul McCartney circa 1966 - Turning up to record Sgt Pepper sporting the roll neck and moustache.
5. John Frusciante - Time to join the Mars Volta full time though. Leading to
6. Cedric Bixler Zavala - Great hair, even greater wailing.
7. Albert Hammond Jr - Just pipping Casablancas to coolest Stroke.
8. Cat Power (or Chan Marshall as she is) - Depression rules.
9. Chino Moreno - Even more so now get doesn't care and got fat.
10. Eddie Vedder - Integrity is the highest form of cool.

Sorry there's only one woman in there.

Anyway, we'll see how many of mine make the cut according to NME.

Oh and Jemina Pearl from Be Your Own Pet. She's great.

WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL

Gerard Way dying his hair is probably the best thing anyone has ever done. Why? Well it's quite long winded, and before we begin, let me state that I am using the word 'emo' as a style trend and not as a genre of music. I know that true emo is Fugazi or Rites Of Spring etc and not one dimensional tattooed bands like 18 Visions, but that also is part of my argument.

Ok, so Gerard Way is the Crown Prince of Emo. He has an alcoholic past, a love of horror and comics and a pasty face. And his band are fantastic. So all the emo kids look the same. They all wear cons, black jeans, maybe eyeliner, maybe finger polish. But most importantly they all have asymmetric dyed black haircuts. All of them. But they all think they are outcasts for looking different. They look different to the jocks, or townies and chavs over here. But how can they be so different when they all look the same. They say they have an identity which, in fairness, they do.

So Gerard says that he wants to detach his band from emo, whether it be the image or the music. And to do this he has chosen to cut his hair and dye it blond. And what is so brilliant about this you ask. The fact that no one, none of the emo followers can copy him. They all desperately want to, but they can't because then they would have to admit to conforming, and that is totally against what they stand for. Gerard Way has become more individual than he could possibly have hoped for. If the whole band had done it, then it would be easy for an emo kid to dye his hair, as it would then be a movement. But as it's only one person, if any kid did the same, all his neighbourly social misfits would scream 'you only did that because Gerard Way did', and they would be right. Because no one would've thought of that had he not done it.

So by the simple act of dying his hair, Gerard Way has made all the emo kids look at each other and think, Shit, we do all look the same, and maybe he will kill of the whole look.

I would like to dye my hair blond now, but fear the backlash.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH A LITTLE GRIND AND BUMP

6 or so games in goal and I suffered my first proper injury. This certainly doesn't count the 'sprained' wrist from two weeks ago which really pales in comparison to today.

Got a hard knee to the side of the head, specifically the ear. Completely blacked out and I have absolutely no recollection of what happened. I then woke up and my whole body was shaking and I couldn't move. Slowly got up and then found some blood in my ear. Went to hospital (driven by Paul) and left around 4 and a half hours later. During that time I saw a nurse, a doctor and then had to have a CAT scan on my head. I sand New Slang by The Shins whilst it went on in honour of Andrew Largeman.

Thanks to all the lads for coming to the hospital and to Paul for sticking round for the whole time.

So, a very dull afternoon with a touch of excitement. My ear is now a little swollen and my jaw hurts to eat but no real damage. And because of that I didn't get to see Alfie, but apparently he was ill and a misery guts.

WHEN I WAS A YOUNG BOY

Well the first wedding of the school chums (bar David, who although invited a lot of school friends, did not go to school with us) and it was a stormer.

Alex's best man speech was outstanding. It had everyone in stiches and ended with a well deserved standing ovation at the end, albeit a roaringly drunken one. Dancing followed with much top hat wearing at jaunty angles.

Suffice to say, I got ridiculously drunk. A Southern Comfort and Lemonade before the service, then numerous glasses of champagne during photos and canopes, and then the standard Strongbow. I arived at the dinner table, quite frankly, drunk. Wine of different colours ensued.

Absolutely fantastic day. Well done to Jacko & Kate.

YOU DIDN'T COME ALL THIS WAY TO WATCH TV NOW DID YOU?

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	William Hughes
Birthday:	20th April
Birthplace:	Frimley Park Hospital
Current Location:	Brentford massive
Eye Color:	Grey/green perhaps
Hair Color:	Broon
Height:	5' 7" and a quarter
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right handed
Your Heritage:	My heritage?
The Shoes You Wore Today:	The black hobnails
Your Weakness:	Cider, sudokus, pretty girls
Your Fears:	Baked beans, wasps, the telephone
Your Perfect Pizza:	Fiorentina probably
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Get a new job or a girlfriend
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	lol - fuck off
Thoughts First Waking Up:	Is it a weekday?
Your Best Physical Feature:	My manly beard
Your Bedtime:	11pm if nothing's on telly
Your Most Missed Memory:	How do I know what this is if it's missed?
Pepsi or Coke:	Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	Neither really but McDonalds
Single or Group Dates:	Any dates really.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Ice Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Cappuccino
Do you Smoke:	No
Do you Swear:	Fuck yeah
Do you Sing:	Badly
Do you Shower Daily:	Yes
Have you Been in Love:	I think not
Do you want to go to College:	Been there
Do you want to get Married:	Yes
Do you belive in yourself:	I think I'm great
Do you get Motion Sickness:	Not anymore
Do you think you are Attractive:	In a certain light to a certain type
Are you a Health Freak:	No
Do you get along with your Parents:	Yes I do
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Love 'em
Do you play an Instrument:	I do not
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	In the past day
In the past month have you Smoked:	No sir
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	No sir
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	Many
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	We don't have them here
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	We don't have them here
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	No, it's been too long
In the past month have you been on Stage:	I was born on the stage
In the past month have you been Dumped:	Sort of
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	No sir
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	Only the heart of a lady
Ever been Drunk:	Does last night count
Ever been called a Tease:	I don't think so
Ever been Beaten up:	No
Ever Shoplifted:	No
How do you want to Die:	In a yachting accident
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	A man
What country would you most like to Visit:	Japan
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	Blue
Favourite Hair Color:	either
Short or Long Hair:	short if blonde, long if dark
Height:	Shorter than me
Weight:	lighter than me
Best Clothing Style:	Indie scruff
Number of Drugs I have taken:	Types? 4
Number of CDs I own:	too many 1500+
Number of Piercings:	Zero
Number of Tattoos:	Zero
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	17 million
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

MAYBE YOU NEED A REFRESHER COURSE

Top songs in the world right now:

1. Minus The Bear - Pachuca Sunrise
2. Be Your Own Pet - Bicycle Bicycle, You Are My Bicycle
3. Deftones - Minerva
4. The Young Knives - Part Timer
5. Audioslave - Revelations

DROP DROP DROPPING IT DOWN

How does the man from the BT advert (the man/son from the Robert Lindsay sitcom My Family) have so much money?

In the first of the series, he claimed that his new girlfriend had moved her and her children in overnight. Now, I don't think this is the case. If he was in a relationship with a single mother, it would have been a very big decision discussed at length between the two adults. Now, bearing in mind that this happened, and it was his house they decided they would live in, why would a bachelor of his age be living in a house that had at least two spare bedrooms for the children? His suits don't look like they are from a man who's salary is worthy of a three bedroom house. I'm guessing he lives on the outskirts of London (or at least the home counties) from his accent.

In the second, or maybe a later episode, of the series he is seen having a good relationship with one of the children. I think this must have taken a long time to get to, so he must have been in a relationship with the woman for a very long time.

In one of the most recent adverts, he is seen walking past a billboard in casual clothes before entering his house. Granted, I have only seen this once, but it did appear he was carrying nothing. Now, I don't there is really any occasion where a man would be walking towards his house empty handed on the weekend. Usually he would have his wife/girlfriend and her children with him or carrying some sort of provisions like a pint of milk or a newspaper. But if he was in a family environment, I would expect those things to be delivered to his door. I thought initially maybe he was returning from paying a paper bill, but I have decided against this, as he would have still picked something up when he was there. The only explanation is that he walking from his car, which he had to park around the corner, having dropped the children off at a friends house, or football practice or suchlike. But this can't be right as there are no cars parked out the front. Maybe he had initially gone past the house to park but there was a car there, and now he has returned the space was available. But then, surely his attention would be more on the now available parking space, cursing his rotten luck at having to park round the corner, than the billboard advertising BT latest offer?

SHE SCRATCHES A LETTER

It may have even taken this long to get over the set on Sunday night. Better set than Astoria, better than Cardiff 6 years ago.

Corduroy; Do The Evolution; Animal; Worldwide Suicide; Severed Hand; Dissident; Even Flow; Sad; I Am Mine; Jeremy; Grievance; Life Wasted Reprise; Better man; Save You; Blood; Rearviewmirror; Encore, Iron Man on Ukelele; Soon Forget; Given To Fly; Once; Crown Of Thorns; Comatose; Alive; Encore, Why Go?; Baba O'Riley; Yellow Ledbetter.

Beat that.

I wasn't really paying attention during MCR but that was quite good. As were the Kooks, although that second stage tent is massive. They should hire that out - I reckon you could get 20,000 people in there. And there was Taking Back Sunday too, but again, wasn't really paying attention. And it was daylight, and no band is good in the daylight.

The Audioslave album has been universally panned. I thought it was quite good.

And my brother has a new band called My Wave

GATHERED ROUND A GREASE MONKEY FROM ACTON

The perils of being single. Well not the perils exactly, but the pitfalls of being the only 'bachelor' amongst my close friends. Coincidentally all of whose names start with A. Mystical.

The options for going out are slowly diminishing. Others are drifting towards a world of dinner parties, Heals and quiet weekends.

So what to do. The amount of single friends in my life is now so small that I might need new friends. But that would be rude. And no one has parties anymore. They're buying houses, but there are a lack of house warmings. Damn you all to Hades.

Some people seem to find it easier to flit in and out of relationships. But it's fucking hard. I am, in my own humble opinion, quite cool, not bad looking and pretty funny. But I am a complete amateur when it comes to dating, as the Americans say. Let us take the examples of the last two; both in limbo, although I think one has run. I had two great dates with Miss A and the second ended in an amorous clinch. I foolishly rushed to organmise the third date, a day date. Although it wasn't a horror, it certainly wasn't as good as the previous two. Got a bit nervous you see and clammed up. So since then Miss A has been decidedly frosty. I think she has now gone the way of being distant in relation to correspondence with an aim to severing contact. Shame, she was great.

Miss B, I have seen twice with no amorous clinches. The correspondence is thick and warm, without any real sign of flirtatious advancement. Maybe she will change her views. Third time's the charm I hear. She's also great.

But apart from that, the avenues are non existent.

A glossary of terms can be found in most good bookshops.

The head will be cleared after the holiday.

YOU'RE AN EXPLOSION, YOU'RE DYNAMITE

Things we have learnt this week:

Marco Materazzi has an awful lot of tattoos.
Zidane loves his mother.
Christian metal bands love God.

Now, as much as Zizou's violent explosion is unforgiveable on the football field, it's fitting that one of the world's greatest ever players is a hot head and has some shame to his game. It wouldn't be the same if he was all goody two shoes. All great players have fucked up royally in the past.

Let's look at the evidence (some might be a bit scratchy, but I'm doing this by memory)

Diego Maradona - Cocaine snorting, air gun firing midget. Che Guevara tattoo, badly dyed blond streak in hair.
George Best - Wife beating alcoholic mysoginist RIP.
Eric Cantona - Kung Fu kick.
Pele - complete lack of knowledge of the game in his old age, erection problems.

No one gives a shit about Bobby Charlton and the like because they were too nice. So, well done Zizou for joining the elite.



Favourite songs in the world right now:

1. Made-up Love Song #43 - Guillemots
2. Worth Dying For - Rise Against
3. We're Not Alone - Peeping Tom
4. Knights Of Cydonia - Muse
5. Young Folks - Peter, Bjorn & John
6. Writing On The Walls - Underoath

PISS ON MY BLACK KETTLE

Blindness. Not in the sense of not seeing, but not knowing. Is beauty only skin deep?

I've been signed up to large breasted aesthetics expert Sarah Beeney's dating website. Someone has mailed me. I don't have a photo up there, nor does she. When I get a photo up, she'll have to. But what do you say if the face is not to my taste. I don't need anew friend, and this is a 'dating' site. Can I be blunt? Should I lie?

Pearl Jam last night. There must have been a forgery problem as tickets were being checked and double checked. Some guy had spent £160 on a fake ticket and was abit miffed to say the least. Oh well. Awesome gig though.

I'M NOT DRINKING MERLOT

I must post more often. You only get one chance to do things so putting things off is wrong. It doesn't matter if no one reads. I just want to leave a record.


RIP MARTIN GILKS

I WILL DENY YOU BABY

I have so far received the David Hasslehoff valentines email twice. I expect at least one more before the end of the day.

Posting has been slow, due to excessive workload and spending most of my spare time at work trying to sell stuff on eBay. In short, football has been good and I've seen Thrice, Coheed & Cambria, Be Your own Pet and Mew. Be Your Own Pet were the best and their album is great too.

Things I have learned from selling things on eBay:
1. The things you think will sell will probably not.
2. The first release of Radiohead's Creep on CD is currently worth £16 at auction price.
3. People know more about eBay than me.

Everyone's asking questions and there's sometimes a mass of bidding 10 minutes before the end. Alien to me.

Tonight I will be watching my friend do Stand up comedy. With his girlfriend. A nice way for her to spend Valentine's day.

Current favourite songs:

The All-American Rejects - Move Along
Josh Rouse - It Looks Like Love
Idiot Pilot - Les Lumieres
65 Days Of Static - Radio Protector

WHEN I SAY SHOTGUN YOU SAY WEDDING

Friday night was spent at the Astoria seeing Panic! At The Disco and The Academy Is...

Then for some reason we ended up in the dressing room with the bands, drinking their rider, and then someone brought in champagne, so that was quaffed. I was then told off for going into Panic!'s dressing room when they were having a meeting and I had a conversation with Academy's drummer (Andy) about Night Nurse whilst standing on a sofa.

Then a small goose chase ensued to go to the aftershow where I tried to teach two american girls to say 'Fish Fingers' in an english accent.

Oh, and both bands were awesome. Panic! At The Disco will be big.

If I took my camera, I could have taken a photo. so above is a random shot.

48 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT

It took until 5pm Christmas Day before I wanted to go home. But I had to wait 40 hours for my wish to come true.

New Year's Eve provided us with Chester's fantastic home made soup. Morgo helped, but it feel it was Chester's baby.

And then the painting started. running out of paint during the final wall before the holes were filled in fuelled the fire for this little installation. I call it 'Cock' and it will feature exclusively at the Hughes Gallery until Sunday 8th January. Seeing is believing so I urge you to see it as quickly as possible.



Album wars: The Strokes vs We Are Scientists.
Strokes - good clothes, We Are Scientists - bass player has moustache
Strokes - need better songs, W.A.S. - have good songs, some great

Winner: We Are Scientists

IT'S SCOTCH-ROMANIAN

Moving house is like taking all your stuff from one place, and putting them somewhere else where you now live.

2 out of 3 done, now there is only one more trial to do before the end of the year. It's proving the most difficult.

Life is a little like the Krypton Factor. There's general knowledge, observation, physical assult courses and landing a plane. The only difference is that Tony Slattery doesn't appear all the time when I'm observing things.

DID LIL' BOW WOW BECOME JUST BOW WOW?

Now my camera is running out of batteries and the charger is in a box somewhere in a hole in a building in Hanwell. Not that it really matters, I'm still too scared to take it to gigs in case a burly bouncer has an issue with it.

Gigs I didn't take my camera to: Hard-Fi, Sigur Ros, Johnathan Rice, My Chemical Romance.

Gigs I won't take my camera to due to low battery: Nada Surf, Alkaline Trio, Elbow and whatever else I'll go to before I move (which is close too).

I need a haircut but I'm too scared.

Football you ask? Well on a windy wet afternoon in Northolt we crushed some tigers 9-0. Ha ha. 'We'd thrash them on a decent surface' we heard them murmur. It's a pity they booked the fucking pitch in the arse end of nowhere then.

When are Hope Of The States coming back?

YOU CAN CALL THE GODDAMN FIRE DEPARTMENT

Ok, the posts have been a bit slack of late. Where did we get to beforehand? I think the season was going well. Then we had to change the goalkeeper for a game on hard astroturf (old style turf with sand not the new stuff with little rubber bits). The oppositions resident no toothed nutter got sent off and we won 3-1 (I think). Goalscorers pass me by.

Team:



Because the goalkeeper, apparently, played so well, he was allowed (allowed? I didn't want to play in goal) to keep his place. We had a nightmare and lost 4-1.

Team:



The next game I didn't play as I injured my back somehow. So I sat it out and we lost 4-2. Team to be posted when I can be bothered.

The dressing room was a sorry place to be. Heads were low and there was talk of extra training. This will not materialise.

Currently I am lodging so I can't get the pictures off my camera. But believe me, when I do you will see remarkable photos of the many rock and pop concerts I go to like this:



And I'll post more because work is shit.

HE TRULY DEFINES GRACE UNDER PRESSURE

Cup game. One a piece. Again we went one up. A glorious finish by the Wemyss Junior. Only to concede a debatable free kick (aren't they all) 10 minutes later. Their player ghosted in at the back post to equalise. It was the equaliser. It was Edward Woodward.



Anger has come over me. I cannot explain and I will not. But the fact of the matter is I was hoping for some time off in December, a lot of time off, and now I have to take half of that in November.

I'M LEAVING YOU, YOU COW

The win was sweet, the style was shambolic, the goals were good. Goals from Kings Of Leon, Kaiser and a late winner from Gavin gave us a much needed win. We showed great character to come back from being equalised twice, once from a howler from the gaffer and another from a dubious onside decision.

Team:

I NEVER GET SHOTGUN

Third game of the season, and what are the chances of having three actual football results rather than crazy schoolboy scores. Well this one was 0-0. Another good performance by the defence (unlike the friendlies) and too few shots on target again. To be fair Kings Of Leon had an excellent shot saved by the comedy terrorist but deserved to be booked for his Klinsmannesque acrobatics in the box. Talking of Klinsmann, the Kaiser's goal celebrations were a tad premature as his goal was ruled out for offside. Much huffing and protest ensued, but the referee's decision is final. What's missing is some ruthlessness in front of goal.

Anyway - team:



What other news you cry? None.

Disappointing albums #1. Franz Ferdinand - You Could Have It So blah blah blah

Bored of being homeless. Bored of looking at flats. Even more bored of estate agents. Are they all complete nobs? The one on Saturday turned up 15 minutes late, having not prepared because he didn't have a load of keys, with his regulation mid 20s estate agent haircut and driving an H-reg Porsche. Not a good look.

SCIENCE AND PROGRESS

The posts here have gone from the mindless ramblings I had hoped to bring the immortal few who would come here, to actual real life stories. For that I can only apologise. House difficulties have arisen over the last few weeks, from being one day away from signing papers to having to start all over again after pullingout myself of buying this place. Of course I am bitter. The seller is an absolute arse and the place he was selling was a complete shithole. I will buy a better flat with monkey butlers and a fireman's pole down the middle. A young Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd will be my neighbours and we will have hilarious adventures.

Second game on Sunday. A glorious 3-1 win. Again only 11 men as the Bernies were at Reeksy's wedding. Team was:



This is the start of a good season, perhaps. No whining, team playing together as one. Good goals. Hurrah.

B-b-b-b-bennie & The Jets.

THE CHINAMAN IS NOT THE ISSUE

What can I say? What can I say? Sunday's football was a strange affair. Bickering, only 11 men showed and an alarming lack of shots on goal. In the end we lost 1-0.

Team was:


But let us not dwell on that. Let us dwell on this.

Who knows what will happen. I for one will not. It's not that I don't know, it's just that I've forgotten.

Homeless for nineteen days and counting.

PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE TO COME BY AND MOW MY LAWN

The last of the friendlies was last night. Of course we won 7-5, a disastrous defending first half with mid field and defence at sixes and sevens with the long ball. The team for last night was as follows:



We wore the black kits for the first time since their airing in Bratislava. Looking like vicars, we strode out onto the hallowed plastic turf.

Previous unreported friendlies were a 4-4 draw and a 5-1 victory. First game on Sunday. What will the team be? Only the gaffer knows, and even he'll leave it until the last minute.

The turnout is expected to be high. Many players now have wives and some actually have friends. Many questions will also be asked. Will Bernie turn up mashed? Will Andy have cut The Cock? Does Paul have a thing for Brazilian boys? Find out next week.