I WAS BORN TO RUB YOU

Lo and behold, two Steve Guttenberg film os UK terrestrial television yesterday. The sublime Cocoon, which we can now see is more of an ensemble cast rather than a Guttenberg vehicle, and Police Academy, a breathtaking piece of cinema.

Hopefully this prophecy will continue, so therefore over the coming weeks we will be looking at the movies of Chevy Chase and the death of John Candy.

Chevy Chase was always destined to descend, as he set himself such high standards.

The first football game of the season, a friendly, yesterday resulted in a triumphant win. The score was either 7-0 or 8-0. Kaiser scored a remarkable 6, and the gaffer went upfront in the last ten to score a poacher's goal.

Team:

TIME SPEEDS BY IN THE FORM OF A NEON SNAKE

What of Steve Guttenberg?

Police Academy - 1984
Police Acedemy 2 - 1985 (Quick turnaround or early franchise realisation)
Cocoon - 1985
Police Academy 3 - 1986
Short Circuit - 1986 (No. 1 Box office draw by this time)
Police Academy 4 - 1987 (And to think you had to wait 3 years between Star Wars films)
Three Men And A Baby - 1987 (This man is prolific)
High Spirits - 1988
Cocoon: The Return - 1988
Three Men & A Little Lady - 1990

And then nothing until 1995 where Guttenberg had a string of bad reviews and no leads to remember.

How can one man fly so high for that 6 year period but then fall from grace with such velocity. It wasn't even as if Three Men & A Little Lady was a bad film.

Come back Steve Guttenberg. We miss you.

THANKS TCHAIKOVSKY. THANKOVSKY

Well the response to the picture of Richie Benaud was unprecedented. Many people want to know more about Richie and what sort of things he likes. So here goes:

FACT! Richie is not his real name. It's Richard.

FACT! Benaud is pronounced Benno.

FACT! Richie used to be a professional Cricket player.

FACT! Richie's parents were both turtles.

FACT! Richie is from Australia.

FACT! Richie is 74 years old (even though he looks 149)

An here's some more pictures of Richie to keep you ladies company on those long lonely nights at sea.

I'LL WAGER HE HAS SOME KIND OF WALKING CLOCK IN THERE

This just in. There was a third K-9 film: K-9:P.I. IMDB calls this film 'Truly funny' and the plot reads as 'Dooley and his K-9 partner Jerry Lee are ready to retire from the police force. But before he can retire with his pension he must work as a P.I. to find a set of high tech computer chips.' To be honest, it sounds awesome and whould be view immediately.




In other news, Cricket fever is sweeping the nation. The Department of Names (DoN) has reported a 400% rise in boys called Freddie and an unprecedented 2000% rise in girls being named Benaud.















Benaud yesterday: A handsome man and a good name

NAY BUSHI SHANG HONG

K-911 is the best name for a sequel ever. It's genius, because it works on two levels, or even three.

For starters K-9 is pronounced the same as canine, which basically means dog. K-9 also sounds like a police call, as the film is about a police dog. If it is actually a police call then it's not as clever as previously thought.

But the name of the sequel is sublime. For starters it still has the original title of K-9 in the sequel title. Secondly, 911 is the phone number to call for the police in America, where the film is set. Thirdly, and this is the best bit, lots of sequels use roman numerals to number their films e.g Rocky IV, Star Wars Episode V, Police Academy XXVII, so K-911 can easily be seen as K-9 II, rather than K-9 2, which doesn't have the same ring to it.

K-911 = genius. If anyone has actually seen the film, please leave a review. James Belushi lost it after Curly Sue.

LEE CARVALLO'S PUTTING CHALLENGE

Being able to breakdance would be fun. Being able to Skateboard would turn heads. To be able to play the drums to Moby Dick would be good too. But if these are too much, settle for knowing all the lines to Fletch.

DID SOMEONE STEP ON A DUCK?

Finally, the proof we've needed. Sir Richard Attenborough did not write Unchained Melody. Shame on you Dickie, shame on you.

YOU CAN'T DUST FOR VOMIT

Myth Expulsions part 1

Centaurs were made up and never existed. And if they did they certainly weren't real.

CLICK HERE FOR FURTHER INFORMATION

WILL MAN EVER FLY UNAIDED?

A question that has left scientists breathless for less than 47 seconds. Results: inconclusive.