Tuesday, December 22, 2009

HAVE A DRINK THEY'RE BUYING

Now the holiday has started, there's time to air some grievances.

The programme Something For The Weekend: Jesus Fucking Christ. Actually it's not so much the programme which has an alright format, but the way it's presented. That Tim Lovejoy needs to be shot. He is an arrogant arsehole who gives the impression that he turns up two minutes before the show airs and says 'don't worry about the script. I'm a professional; I'll wing it.' Everything seems half arsed and amateurish. Put some effort in man.

Polo necks: I want a polo neck but I can't find one anywhere. Uniqlo says they have one but not in the shop. And I don't know my size in that shop.

Clothes: Scratch that, let's just put it down to clothes in general. When I want something, it is no longer in any shops. Tried to buy boots today, nothing I like. Well nothing under £80.

My attention span: Why is it so hard to watch something which lasts for more than half an hour? The older I get, the less time I can concentrate.

Free View box: Stop freezing! It takes ages for the guide to come back.

Red Hot Chili Peppers: You're fucked now - without Frusciante your band will slowly go down the pan. Granted, Stadium Arcadium only had one good song, but Californication and By The Way are fantastic, and would be nothing without Frusciante's noodle work and, arguably more importantly, his harmonies.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

WEAR YA BIN?

I have been listening to the same 22 songs on my iPod for the last week. They are:

Death Cab For Cutie - Meet Me At The Equinox
Friendly Fires - Skeleton Boy (single mix)
Brand New - In A Jar
Alexisonfire - Heading For The Sun
Alexisonfire - Young Cardinals
Coldplay - Violet Hill
Train - Drops Of Jupiter
Paramore - Ignorance
Jace Everett - Bad Things
Pearl Jam - Unthought Known
Brand New - Sink
Thrice - Doublespeak
Fall Out Boy - Alpha Dog
Pearl Jam - Just Breathe
Jamie T. - Sticks & Stones
Friendly Fires - Lovesick
Kings Of Leon - Sex On Fire
Alexisonfire - Born And Raised
Kings Of Leon - Use Somebody
Live - Hold Me Up
Coldplay - Lovers In Japan
Friendly Fires - On Board

School starts again tomorrow. I think I'm set for tomorrow; just need to print out the sheets. New start, no shouting just getting attention and stepping out myself. I can't take it personally. I talk a good game but putting it into practice is a bit more difficult. Will be good to see some of the staff too.....

I have such good intentions of using this as a forum for my views, but the only things that I want to vent are so personal that I don't think this is the correct medium. It used to be popular culture but I barely have time for that now. My mind is filled with two things: school and girls. Not school girls. Actually no one knows the person I currently like so I could put it here, but I honestly don't think anything will happen so there isn't much point.

I am looking forward to:

The next holiday
Mad Men series 3
The National's new album
Seeing RB

Friday, August 28, 2009

WINNERS DON'T USE DRUGS

At this present moment in time I am not looking forward to going to bed. This is because I am on drugs for an ear infection and last night the side effects kicked in. When I woke up at 4:10am with crippling Kurt Cobain stomach cramps I thought it may have been the mushrooms which are, granted, 4 or 5 days out of date. Then I thought it might be the chilli. 4 hours and 6 trips to the toilet later I read the little bit of paper that comes with Amoxicillin 500mg Capsules. Some patients find that they suffer from an upset stomach or diarrhoea.

Although I don't consider myself a male stereotype, I do possess on trait: I don't read instructions. All I read for these pills were 'take 3 times daily'. If I had known that before I may have spoken to the doctor. Something along the lines of 'do you realise I have the digestive system of a komodo dragon with a sensitive stomach?' The moral of this story: always read the label.

Due to this, I'm quite glad I'm now not going to Reading festival tomorrow. It would have been quite tricky. Not to mention that I haven't drunk anything (alcoholic) for a good week and a half.

I see Kaiser Chiefs are on now, but Fall Out Boy look like they pulled a bigger crowd in the afternoon. Fall Out Boy probably have more fans than Kaiser Chiefs. Have you noticed how Kaiser Chiefs encompass the 5 states of indie. You have the singer who likes to sport a waistcoat, the drummer who wears a pressed shirt done up to the top and a smart haircut, the bassist who wears the tight jeans and vintage t-shirt, the guitarist who looks like he's from 1994 and finally the keyboardist who favours the hat. What other band does that? Unfortunately their music only encompasses on state of indie; that of early Blur (Modern Life Is Rubbish era).

Beatles reissues are out in two weeks. I will try to blag as many as possible but I would like to start with Rubber Soul.

That'll do for now.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

SOLO PROJECT



A difficult weekend. All friends are away; some at a wedding, some back to parents, one to Edinburgh. I thought one would be around but that failed and then ukulele practice got cancelled twice. So I have seen no one all weekend. What have I done? Organised my CDs...
Riveting I hear you say, but let me tell you certain things:

1. When you have over 1000 CDs it is impossible to find anything when they aren't in order.
2. Alphabetizing that many CDs tales ages.

First of all I thought I wanted something a little different. I had organised them loosely into genres at my sister's so I didn't want to a straight A-Z as you have to move everything up one when you get new CDs (not that I buy that many anymore). I first of all thought of having them chronologically, that way if I get a new CD it just goes to the end. But that took far too long and got tedious. Then I thought of doing it by the colour of the spine, but then I thought I'd never find anything. Finally I groups the most inportant bands together (Faith No More, Pearl Jam, Tool, The Beatles) and then any connections that take place between bands (Sparta/At The Drive In/Mars Volta).

After that I just grouped any artists together. Having done that I will alphabetize each individual rack (there are 4). It's taken a day and a half.

One thing I have learnt from all this is that CD packaging is too big. Whoever invented the jewel case should be shot. It makes everything so heavy and takes up too much space. Records didn't have a plastic case. In fact CDs should be packaged like records were. A gatefold sleeve with one side for the CD and the other for the booklet. Yes it doesn't have the same durability of the jewel case but you can print it all on recycled paper, and it will take up far less space. And everything in my collection that has a paper sleeve looks so much better than the normal packaging. Take the Pearl Jam albums, all packaged nicely in almost all paper (especially No Code and Vitalogy). The Puscifer album is just one bit of card folded in a way that keeps the CD from falling out. Do CDs need a plastic chair? No they don't.

Every CD should be packaged like the latest Counting Crows album, but shouldn't necessarily sound like it. And if you want something special, go down the Tool - 10,000 Days route.

Friday, August 21, 2009

NO SENSITIVITY



Again, this site has been left to rot like a fat man's fruit bowl due to my obsession with the lives of George and Lynne (what are their surnames? We'll never know). Due to this weekend's non-activity, I have time on my hands to wax lyrical about certain things. Not controversial, but the moment will have passed by the time I get to talk to anyone about them, if anyone cares.

1. I'm not one to join the masses in human bear baiting - I watched Fahrenheit 9-11 last night and thought it was 2 hours of sour grapes Bush hating, and I'm not even a fan of Bush, but if you want to object to war, pick war as a target not a man who won two elections - but the freeing of this Lockerbie bomber, and to some extent Ronnie Biggs, is totally unacceptable. What is the point of sentencing someone to life in prison if they get released before they die? I remember when I was younger seeing front page news of Rudolph Hess dying in prison and, although I didn't really know what it meant, it certainly stuck with me. Do they just release these people just so they don't have to deal with the bodies? It's complete bullshit. If someone is sentenced to life in prison they should die in prison, i.e. they aren't fit to live a normal life. And the less said about the hero's welcome, the better.

2. Is it me or is the start to this Premier League season one of the most exciting in recent history? Everything gets sorted out by Christmas but Tottenham look great, Man Utd look patchy and Aston Villa look awful. Let's have something different this season.

3. Due to that bastard, I'm having to buy new glasses, plates, bowls and so on. And he had the balls to try and contact me asking where we stand. You owe me £2500, that's where we stand. I hope to fuck the courts haven't gone soft.

4. I bought a Thrice song. It's good. It's called Doublespeak.

Favourite songs in the world right now:

ELO - Evil Woman
Thrice - Doublespeak
Arctic Monkeys - Crying Lightning
Florence & The Machine - Drumming Song
Bruce Springsteen - Outlaw Pete


Monday, August 10, 2009

WE WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE


After 10 1/2 months, I'm moving back home next week. Not saying that this house hasn't been home, but it's not really home. My flat, even though I have only lived there for 3 years, really does feel like home now. The tenants are gone, leaving me a surprise monetary bonus, and I'm 3 moves away from having everything back. I am doing it very slowly though as I can't really move back in fully until Monday.

Having been away for almost a year, I decided I would make some changes so it felt like I wasn't moving into someone else's place.

1. Stereo and one sofa up one end of the living room, in what I call the music end of the room.
2. Wardrobe and drawers in different places in the bedroom.
3. Pictures moved and 3rd WS going, with a new flyer type display to be made.
4. I was going to get rid of the book case but it is now my nerd case with records and comics going on it until I can maybe put up some shelves.

I seem to have lost this blog over the last month or so. The George and Lynne blog took off for a bit and I'm still getting a lot of hits so I'm doing that at the moment. I have no horrific love life to grieve about and I'm basically on holiday at the moment so I'm moving and watching films. Maybe when school starts I can write some witty anecdotes from a primary school teacher.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

ROLL JORDAN, ROLL

Now the summer is here, it's time to bury myself in musings.

1. Alexisonfire - Old Crows/Young Cardinals
This is getting better with every listen. Firstly I thought they're not giving as much bite as on Crisis but one thing they have got is bigger melodies. Dallas Green's voice is a thing of wonder, and it works so much better in AoF than in City and Colour. This, coupled with George Pettit new found soft growl, has the makings of an album of the year. But, without taking anything away from it, there hasn't been much competition so far, but we have Paramore, Editors, Thrice, Arctic Monkeys, Pearl Jam, Brand New and The Twilight Sad still to come. Speaking of which.....

2. The Twilight Sad - I Became A Prostitute
What a triumph! The first album was a wonderful journey of darkness but this song has so much more, and a chorus! If the songwriting has improved like this the album will be stunning without losing any of the shoe gazing guitars. There's something about scottish bands that draw me in. See also We Were Promised Jetpacks. If you live in America, you get to see those two and Frightened Rabbit all in one show.

One of the good things about being into football but not supporting a Premier League team is you get to an impartial view on teams and transfers. Many of the old guard have balked at the inflated transfer prices and new Middle Eastern money, and yes foreign ownership and too many overseas players may be, in the long term, bad for the English game, but let's enjoy it while we can. Something worse for the game is the monopolisation of the so-called Big 4. For the past 6 years they are the only teams that players want to go to. Why can't Manchester City break into it. Lest we forget that Chelsea were pretty much a nothing team until Mr Abramovich turned up. That could have been any team, especially any London team as I'm sure he didn't want to live anywhere else. How long did it take them? A couple of years and £100m. City could do that, and their stadium is big enough. They just need a centre back at the moment, but I don't think it will be John Terry. Go for Jolean Lescott.

Sorry to blow my own trumpet but since being mentioned on Sunday Times writer Bryan Appleyard's blog, the hits have increased by about 500% (or something). Now if I could only harness this power.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

BATTLES LOST, BATTLES WON


Well, without wanting to blow my own trumpet, I did it. 2 years on from reading an interview with the giant toby jug filled with hot piss that is Adrian Chiles about his music collection that changed the way I looked at working in music, I am now a qualified teacher.

Here is what I have learned from the past year:

Some kids you will hate, but it doesn't matter if they end up knowing how to use a protractor.
Don't get involved with someone who is in a relationship.
I'm a shit landlord.
I've got quite a loud voice.
I can make children cry.
Don't forget who your true friends are when you're making new ones.
If you're lazy, you get what you deserve.

Monday, June 29, 2009

SUMMER


So that was the first big weekend of the summer... Starts Thursday as usual with a canteen quiz and again no-one wins the big cash prize. Later I do my sound bloke routine by approaching Gina's new boyfriend to say that he shouldn't feel that there's any animosity between us and then I even go and make peace with her. I shouldn't have bothered. Then on Friday night we went through to the Arches...

There was only one car going, so some of us had to get the train. We got through quite late. Then we went to a pub to take the gear. There was no problems getting in - we saw some others waiting down the front of the queue so we skipped in. It was a good night, everyone was nutted and I ended up dancing with some blonde girl. I thought she had been quite pretty until last night when Matthew informed me that she had, in fact, been a pig. When the club finished we wandered the streets for a while until we got to this 24-hour cafe but I didn't like the look of it so we left and got a taxi back to Morag's flat. I couldn't sleep, so I sat about drinking someone else's strawberry tonic wine and tried to keep everyone else up.

Then at ten o'clock in the morning we went downstairs to buy some drink. We had intended to watch the football in the afternoon but we'd passed out by then and slept right through it, awaking to find that England had won two-nil. Then we went to get the train home and had a few in the Station bar. We had some stuff left from the previous night's supplies so when we got home we decided to go down to John's indie disco. Same story as Friday - lots of hugging, lots of dancing etc. etc. I couldn't sleep again so went up the park to look at the tomb, taking a detour through the playpark. To get in we had to climb over a ten foot steel fence, which resulted in severe bruising of our hands, legs and groins, but we had a good laugh on the stuff, especially the tube-slide, which probably doubles up as a urinal for drunk teens. Then we walked through the woods to have a look at the tomb. It was a big disappointment, but the mist on the lake was cool.

Sunday afternoon we go up to John's with a lot of beer in time to watch the Simpsons. It was a really good episode about love always ending in tragedy except, of course, for Marge and Homer. It was quite moving at the end and to tell you the truth my eyes were a bit damp. Then we watched these young girls in swimsuits have a water fight in the street. "Taping this, aye?" We went up to the pub about ten. It was busy for a Sunday night, lots of people we know, including my first ever girlfriend who I still find very attractive, quite frankly, but I didn't really speak to her. She's probably still a bitch, anyway. Her friend Gillian was there, I had a chat with her, she was still quite pleasant. At the same time I watched Malcolm make some terrible attempt to try and chat up a girl we know called Jo. He made some remark about her skirt that was barely there the previous night or something. I couldn't sleep again that night, thanks to some seriously disturbing nightmares...Matthew says I should cut down on the cheese.
"Went out for the weekend, it lasted for ever, high with our friends it's officially summer."
I got some sleep eventually on Monday afternoon. It was a beautiful day, and later that evening Malcolm introduced me to the power of Merrydown - £1.79 a litre, 8.2% - mmmm..... Judith and Laura came round later and we sat in my back garden and drank. Then Matthew came round and we went up the town. It's officially summer.


I need a break. I cannot wait for next weekend.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

THE WHITE TRASH PERIOD OF MY LIFE


The barbers has shut, and I'm in need of a haircut. It's not as easy as just going into a hairdresser and asking for a haircut. You need to feel comfortable. My hair is terrible and I need a way to eith cover or embrace the thin patch at the front. Last night I was contemplating the grade 4 but I think that would be too short. Oh what a quandry!

P.S. I still don't know what I'm doing.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

ON A CONCRETE ROAD TO RECOVERY

Note to self: stop thinking so far in advance.

This week is very important. I have an interview and my final observation. It makes or breaks the rest of my life. I'm meant to be preparing for the interview and my literacy lessons. What am I doing? Thinking about Rock Band The Beatles and how I want my flat to look when I move back in.

Not cluttered but not clinical, I think. Halfway between.

Friday, June 19, 2009

AN ENGLISH GARDEN

God this makes me smile. We should be thankful everyday that we had The Beatles.



Thursday, June 11, 2009

LACHRYMOLOGY II


Today I saw 5 people cry. All of them are under 10 and one of them was my fault.

I had to. I had to stamp my authority down on a situation that could have got chaotic. In some ways I felt bad, but I couldn't back down after I made my decision.

The other tears were due to friendships or lack of them. I also felt a bit bad but it now comes with the territory.





Talking of Stephen King, I think I'd like to read the Dark Tower series, but I'm not sure I can give myself to all of a 7 part literary epic.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

TWO MINDS


An interview with myself (how self indulgent)

Me: How are you today?
You: I feel alright today. I quite like it when the weather is bad as it justifies me not leaving the house. I have to work and I have the day all planned out and it probably only involves leaving the house once. It's nice not having any people under the age of ten around, but there are short moments when I get a bit lonely, but you just fill that with work or entertainment.

Me: You make a point of talking about loneliness but you make a conscious decision not to go out at certain points. Why is that?
You: Well for a start, I do have a lot of work to do. I have to work hard if I want to get the job I want. It may be half term but it hasn't meant I'm free and easy. I'm used to living on my own so this is a period where I can actually do the things I want to, watch the TV I want to etc. I think if I did live on my own, which I will do soon, I will go out more. But of course the drinking will have to be curbed as the hangovers are getting much worse these days. 

Me: What do you like to drink?
You: When I'm out it's cider, preferably Strongbow. If I'm in it's red wine. I can and will drink white wine and lager but it's second choice. The problem is that I find it so tasty, red wine in particular. You are meant to enjoy it all in moderation but that's where the difficulty lies. If I was able to I'd only eat chocolate and crisps, or roast lamb, but it's just not possible.

Me: What would be the perfect meal then?
You: I think a roast lamb with the trimmings so to speak. The one I had at New Year's last year came pretty close to the mark.

Me: Speaking of favourites, let's do a few quick fire questions.
You: Ok

Me: Try not to think about it, just answer the first thing that comes into your head. Favourite film?
You: I watched Garden State again last night and it had the same effect on me as the first time I saw it, maybe even more so. But maybe I'm only saying that as it's so fresh in my mind. Spinal Tap or Fletch too.

Me: What makes the comedies so much longer lasting?
You: It isn't the films themselves, it's the quoting afterwards. The funniest time I watched Anchorman was with 4 friends. It took us about 2 hours to watch a 90 minute film because we were rewinding it so much.

Me: Favourite band/artist?
You: Ryan Adams. There's bits I'm not keen on but he's someone who really captured my imagination. Tool are a close second but there's only a small amount to draw from.

Me: What's your favourite Ryan Adams song then?
You: A very difficult question. A favourite moment was Crossed Out Name the last time I saw him live. I love I See Monsters and When The Stars Go Blue but the best song is probably Jacksonville Skyline.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

OOH LA LA

By my absence you can work out it that it currently isn't awful. In fact it's pretty damn good.

The buoyancy of my current mood is encapsulated by the fact that I will now write a list of the things I currently love.

Playing the ukulele
The new Green Day (sorry, I'm mainstream)
The Arctic Monkeys new look
The Wire season 2
Not hating school
The end to the Premier League season
Not being infatuated with someone I can't have

I'm sure rants will come soon. But not now. Again, let us bask in the good things for a short time.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

WALK THIS WAY


School starts tomorrow. If it's the same as last time it will be 8 weeks of pain with a breakdown or two in there. I'm hoping it's not going to be like last time. So far it has been better.

I should be meticulously planning for the next week with 4 lessons to teach this week (as opposed the usual 14 I'll be doing normally) but as I'm doing nothing tomorrow, I've done very little so far.

After yesterday, I've re-ignited my crush on the uke. 5 chords learned and getting better by the day. I thank my practice partner and hope for many more to come.

Also, if school this time is anything like last time then posting will be at a maximum. 

British things that should be law:
- Tea at 4 on the dot, without fail. (This will be undoubtedly be included on why life should be like the 50s post I'm working on)
- Everyone should own a tweed jacket and a pair of brogues.
- Saying good morning to strangers if you are up early at the weekend and the street isn't that busy.
- Old men going for a half of mild either just before or just after the Sunday roast.
- Diplomacy (either that or saying exactly what you mean).
- All but one football match at 3pm on a Saturday.
- Summer slacks.
- A local butcher and baker.
- Getting a man in.
- A tabloid and a broadsheet on Sunday.

British things that should be outlawed
- Greggs the baker.
- Swearing in public.
- Most football supporters.
- The Enemy, The Courteeners and any other working class band who is trying to say that it's terrible up north (1. it's not 1960, and 2. The Beatles, who you're trying to be, sang about love)
- Hello magazine.


Thursday, May 07, 2009

THE FUGITIVE


Lyle Lovett must be shitting himself.


Monday, May 04, 2009

UP, DOWN, X, X, O, L1, L2, RIGHT, START


Sometimes I think, can I just get someone to tell me what to do? Can I go online and get the cheat code for life? There's levels and end of level bosses I just can't get past in this life, but the walkthrough says that it's not impossible. It's all possible because I know what the controls are.

I'd love to have the cheat code for certain things in this life; the job interviews I have coming up (which aren't your average job interviews); how to act around the women you like; when and how to contact them. But I suppose the outcome won't result in any satisfaction. If the girls think you're texts are needy then they aren't for you and the interviews are only an hour of your life (plus all the preparation).

That is of course if the game you're playing ends up with the happy ending and the end credits. You could be playing a knock off and in that case it's best to cheat and buy a new game as quickly as possible. 

Friday, May 01, 2009

NEVER EVER BLOODY ANYTHING EVER


NEVER:

a) go into a pub with a flat roof
b) text someone when you want a reply
c) be friends with someone who describes themselves as mad (unless you work in a mental hospital, because it's likely they might be a god of some kind)
d) buy a book that is advertised on the tube (typical tagline - 'They thought it would never happen...')
e) take sartorial advice from a man with a single vented jacket
f) fall in love with someone you shouldn't
g) spend more than 24 hours without speaking to someone
h) take sweets from strangers
i) go back in time

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

THE MEMORY REMAINS


I am crap with names, I forget things unless I write them down and I can't really remember much before the age of ten, but for some reason there are certain tiny inconsequential memories that always pop up in my mind.

Andrew McCarron telling the French teacher that saying Tour D'Eiffel was stupid.
Me telling the new teacher that David Wells liked to be called Wellsy.
Chez wearing his t-shirt signed by Olympic hurdler Debbie Flintoff-King in McDonalds, although I can't remember who he was with.
A lot of my 'friends' throwing stones at me when I said I was ill and then I was sick ont he way to the car when my Mum came and picked me up.
People measuring me to decide whether or not I was in fact 5 feet tall (when I was 14. Please).
My sister smashing me in the face with a tennis racket (actually it's not difficult to forget that one).
Adam Scrivener crying because 'these are new trousers' that he got dirty. They were always new trousers.
Having to meet Adrian at Wendy Crescent because our mothers couldn't be bothered to drive the whole way.


We won't mention the consequential moments (first kiss, losing virginity, best gigs, first house etc). They won't go, and I know where to find them.

Friday, April 24, 2009

LACHRYMOLOGY


Today was a strange day. I won't go into the ins and outs of it, but because of people's reactions and emotions I asked myself the question: what makes you cry?

If you ask this to a number of different people, you'd get a number of different answers. Some people would say the music of Nick Drake, others the films of Richard Curtis. The last time I, for example, cried was watching the Say Anything trailer (found earlier here). Ask me the time before that, and a few times before that and you'd get the answer I'm looking for.

Basically, people cry because they don't like to think that they're not good enough. People usually cry when they are rejected by something or someone. I cried when I failed my driving test, football fans cry when their team is relegated and everyone cries if they are dumped by a partner. There's nothing worse than when someone is basically telling you "thanks for all the effort you've put in, but quite frankly it was a waste of time because this person is better."

Well let me tell you this. The people who make you cry are not better than you. They still shit themselves when they were 2, they still had to be taught to read, and they have cried themselves for exactly the same reason, because they weren't good enough. You are good enough, and to someone you're the best person in the world. So remember that next time you cry.

Of course if someone's died, you've got every right to cry and I can't explain that one.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

HAPPINESS. WE'RE ALL IN IT TOGETHER


Jesus, what happened? Remember this moment in time - 18:15 on April 23rd 2009. I am 31 years old and right now I am happy. I feel a polish of contentment all over me. I want to phone the girls I like. I want to have ridiculous laughter conversations with my best friends. I want to put on the loudest music I have. I want to smile. I can smile. As dog is my witness, I will keep this for a week. A week.

It won't fucking last, but at least it exists.


P.S. Previous 'roid was not mine

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

SWEATING BULLETS


Dear Me,

I have bad days and you have good days. The bad days are usually a mixture of yesterday's alcohol and being on your own, the good days are usually a mixture of today's alcohol and being with people. It is probably the case the someone is thinking about you right now, or at least the idea of you. You may know that person, you may barely know that person, or you may not know that person at all.

Take it easy and go with the flow. You'll enjoy it better that way.

All the best

Me


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

ON THE ROCKS


At what point did it start to hurt this much? 

Now I'm not going to portray myself as some macho boozehound who can down ten pints of bitter at breakneck speed and drink you under the table, but I do have a propensity to drink a bit too much. With age, the tolerance goes up, so the amount goes up that is needed to achieve the same results (and what results are these? If I had an ounce of self confidence I wouldn't need sweet lady Bow), and this brings on the hangover and the pain. 

So this is it. I have to drink more but the after affects also increase. And is it worth it? Believe me, the next time someone buys me three small clear drinks on a Monday night (regardless of the occasion) I will cast my mind back to 2.30 this morning and remember how much fun that was, and then I will decline.

One day I'll stop, but not now. I've not got my bus pass quite yet.

Friday, April 17, 2009

LET YOUR FINGERS DO THE WALKING


The man sat in front of his typewriter. He stared at it with his hands by his sides. The blank page stared straight back at him, in some way mocking him for his apparent paralysis. He had put on his old soft cardigan, his old soft corduroy trousers and his old soft slippers. He had turned the off the record player, put the Dave Brubeck record back in its sleeve, and the sleeve back on the shelf. He had closed the window, shut the curtains and lit a candle, the only light, bar whatever soft sunlight that had made it through the sentry doors of the curtains. He had blocked out all outside noise, interference and distraction. But still he stared. No words came. No ideas. Nothing. By giving himself nothing, he had nothing, and by abstaining from influence he had suffocated his muse. 

But slowly he lifted his arms and set his fingers to the typewriter. He began to type, one letter and one finger at a time. He wrote one word, pulled the paper from the machine and placed it on the desk. He looked back at the paper and read the word to himself. 

Purpose.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

THEY PULL ME BACK IN JERRY


Wow!

Much like in the previous missive we discussed (don't pretend you didn't discuss it) about people blowing your mind, or at least making you sit up straight and pay attention, music also does it as well.

Not music in general, but certain songs. You listen just to see what they sound like and then bang, you've got one song on repeat, all day. 

I love the way anything and everything can do this to us. It shows there's life left in you, not everything is dull and monotonous, you don't know everything. 

Is it that it hits you when you least expect it, or is that when it makes the most impact?



P.S. (again) I totally missed the opportunity to label the last one THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE WAY SHE MOVES ME, but maybe I didn't want gender attached to it.

Monday, April 13, 2009

I PICTURE YOU IN THE SUN


Attraction Part II

What do these people have that draw us to them? What makes us think like this? 

Let's face it, we've all been there. All fine and dandy in our little worlds when suddenly someone makes you question everything you've ever said or felt. Ken Barlow had it with Martha, Tom had is with Summer (probably), Ryan and Mandy, Edward Lewis and Vivian Ward, Patti Boyd and Eric Clapton. The list goes on. Eric never thought he would ever fall in love with his friend's wife, but he did. George was probably a bit miffed at the time but without Eric, he wouldn't have met Olivia. So there you go.

We can have our mind made up saying "I love him/her and no one will ever come close" and then, as Ryan said, it goes nuclear (When I saw her the Yankees lost to the Braves). It changes; maybe you're thinking of two people now when it was always one. At that point, go with your gut and not your Ross Geller pros and cons list.

It seems that as much as we hate it when the new fascinating person makes us question our lives, it might just be for the best. There is no 'One', but there's probably a handful and maybe you should until you get that before you make a decision. 



P.S. Talking of George, I know he swiped his melody of My Sweet Lord from The Chiffons, but the beginning of Godless by Dandy Warhols sounds remarkably like the beginning of My Sweet Lord too. But I doubt there's much money coming from them.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

SIR ALAN NERDISON


Let's get one thing straight, I am a total nerd.

Not a nerd in the sense that I like maths, comics, prog rock and have a perspiration issue (I do have all of those but that's not the point); a nerd because because I have no idea how to act cool. 

I love music, but I can't play an instrument.
I love football, but I'm  a bit shit at it.
I love stories, but I can't write (although I haven't had this confirmed).
I love girls, but I have zero idea how to talk to them, let alone get them (or should that be the other way round?)

I think I love comics, but I rarely buy them.
I think I love books, but I only seem to read well known ones.
I think I love fashion and style, but I keep getting it totally wrong.
I think I love art house cinema, but a lot of it is quite boring.
I think I love hardcore, but I don't know that many bands.

The person who I think I am and try to give the impression I am is very very different to the person I actually am. I think I'm Jack Whitman but actually I'm Max Fischer.

And I'm fine with that.

SHITFIT


What the fuck is wrong with me? I've had two shitfits in the last two weeks, for the most ridiculous stupid things. Although I may be the most highly strung person I've ever met, I've always prided myself on being easy going on the outside so people don't see my inner issues. If you know these inner issues (or you read this claptrap) then count yourself very special. To me anyway, who knows what other people think of you.

Anyway, the problem is, I've had these freak outs in front of the one person I didn't want to be weird around. Firstly because she wouldn't lend me a book, and secondly because I got left behind when I was invited to lunch. For fuck's sake, normally I would have made a joke about it but instead I got really annoyed, like a child's temper tantrum. I'm sure the reason I've had these shitfits is to do with said person. Because I've been denied time with that person. 

So believe me, from this day forward, it's all being bottled up and coming out here. No more public outbursts, no more heart on my sleeve.

I consoled myself by buying a new coat. It's a spring/summer version of my winter coat but in navy. It adds to the Serge Gainsbourg/Paul McCartney look I'm trying to create. I want to wear it whilst listening to La Responsable by Jacques Dutronc (thanks James). In fact, that is now tied with Stranglehold as the music that plays in my head when I walk into a bar. Much like Hurricane plays when Wooderson walks into the Emporium.

('roids clockwise from top left: Paddy & Chez, obscured, at Ben's stag do when the camera spat out two photos; Mark and Joe showing that nobody fucks with the Jesus; Danielle in mid hair ruffle; me being calm)

Monday, April 06, 2009

BEING A BOY'S LIKE A SUCKING ON A LEMON


Thoughts:

Lil' Wayne has a lot of tattoos.
Six is a great album, no matter what you say. And that review was written on my 21st birthday. It's a sign.
Bob Loblaw having a law blog is possibly the funniest thing ever.
This lady may possibly be the most attractive and stylish person I have ever seen. 

I had more thoughts. I'm sure I was going to debunk a myth and say something profound. Maybe it will come to me later.

If life was like this, it would be amazing.


The only pureness left is preached to me by Marx.

Monday, March 23, 2009

THIS IS NOT A LOVE STORY


The internet is sucking out the romance from life.

The internet yields anonymity. If you're lonely and you want to rent a film, you now do it online. If you want to buy a book, you'll do it online, and even more so if you want to buy a book and you're cheap, you'll get it from Ebay or Amazon marketplace. So why do we even need to leave the house. There is now no reason to. You do it all online, and believe me I've done it all online.

By doing this you'll never meet the likeminded shy girl at the big blockbuster, or better yet the local video shop. The boy who reads like crazy but just got over a bad relationship. The girl who makes a funny quip about the album you're buying, not because she likes/dislikes (well not totally) your tastes but because she likes your face.

That's why all the records shops have closed down, because YOU don't want the hassle of going into town, because you don't want the cool rocksteady person behind the counter to snigger at you for buying the new Kings Of Leon album 6 months after it came out. Where the boy behind you is doing the same thing. You're both not that into music, but you are into the romantic notion of the independent record shop, the second hand book store, the market, the local bakers. 

Now I'm not saying the internet is the new television and getting Disposable Heroes of Hiphopritical by being a luddite saying that it feeds radiation (it doesn't) but we are missing some of the things we used to pride ourselves on. Humans communicate, connect and fall in love.

If you want to run through the pigeons in the park do it, because the girl/boy who went to the park to read Bukowski or Gore Vidal just might fall in love with you. Take off your earphones for one part of your journey. Smile at someone. Make their day, or let someone make yours. The next time you finish a book, go out and buy a tatty copy of something in a second hand book shop or a car boot fair. The one person who is thinking exactly the same thing as you, that you don't belong here, is looking for exactly the same thing. Romance.

I don't mean romance in a dinner and flowers way, more the romantic nature of life. The unknowing, the naivety, the unanswered questions. And if you are an internet dater, I have been, don't ask two many questions beforehand, before you meet. Meet, and ask the questions to their face. 





Sunday, March 22, 2009

THIS FEAR'S GOT A HOLD ON ME


I don't know what I'm doing part 3

I am currently writing an essay. This essay is meant to be 5000 words long and include lots of quotes to back up anything you say. I went to a special lecture to tell me how to write an essay as I haven't written an essay in 12 years, and even then it was only 1500 economics shit, just rehashing what you've been taught. I suppose all essays are just rehashing what you've been taught.

Anyway, having spent 2 hours being told how to write academically, I still have no clue. I have no clue whether what I've written is right, makes sense or carries an argument. Granted, I haven't read it back yet, but I'm a little afraid to. Who knows what I wrote. I wasn't drunk, but I feel it be a little Kerouac in its form.

Should it really matter how you write? I know punctuation and grammar is very important, and yes I am one of those people who corrects other people's grammar and NEVER uses text speak in texts, but some of the best books I've read have very bad punctuation. Would A Million Little Pieces have been as popular if it wasn't written that way? Regardless of the content and the fabrication story afterwards, one of the selling points was the style. And Kerouac too, but I can't back that up with any evidence as I can't find my copy. On The Road is the only book I've ever read twice, apart from Dangleboots when I was 9 and The Killing Joke. I just saw The Crow Road which is first on the list to join that prestigious group.

I'd like to think that when/if I become a teacher, I will not be a stickler for punctuation and grammar when writing fiction. Content comes first; anything which is wrong can be fixed by your editor.


 
Other thoughts:

1. Yesterday I finally saw footage of White Lies. As I suspected they are a young Editors. All monochrome clothes but without the kitsch of the Hives. I like it. Nice Ian Curtis fringes. I bet the fuzz from their black jumpers doesn't end up their white shirts. Or maybe it does.

2. I bet Terry Richardson could get any model to take their top off. God knows what he says to them.

3. Does it mean something, or not?

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

BRIAN HOWARD CLOUGH

I got this from some random girl's fashion blog. I seem to be surfing for girl's blogs these days in order to find something new about the way girls think. 

What are you wearing now? Dennis the Menace type long sleeved tee, jeans and slippers. I wasn't too keen on my outfit today.

What’s the last thing you read/are currently reading? I am reading The Damned United by David Peace in an attempt to read it before seeing the film. I just finished The Wettest County In The World by Matt Bondurant last night. 

Do you nap a lot? Never, my teeth hurt if I sleep in the day.

Who was the last person you hugged? Edward. He started crying because I told him off. Far too precious that boy.

What’s your current obsession/addiction? Girls blogs, Tumblr, her, playing the two chords from Postcards From Italy on the ukulele.

Which item from your closet are you wearing most lately? The check shirts

What's for dinner? Sausages and tomatoes with balsamic

What was the last thing you bought? Lunch. Or The Damned United, new Beirut ep and Ryan Adams' Infinity Blues

What are you listening to right now? MCR, and not ashamed

If you could have any super power, what would it be? Mind reading, would be so useful

What is your favourite weather, and why? Sunny but not too hot. Shirt sleeve order.

What time do you usually get up? 7.06 on college days, earlier or later depending on workload

What is your most challenging goal right now? The essays and her

If you could have a house–totally paid for, fully furnished–anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be? Chicago or somewhere in France

Favourite vacation spot? NYC I suppose but I've done it for a while now.

What is your favorite item of clothing? Tweed jacket

Favorite pair of shoes you keep going back to over and over, even though your closet is overflowing with a zillion others: Winter: Big Black Boots / Summer: Tatty white cons - this is a silly question as I only have 6 pairs of shoes

Name one thing you cannot live without: The music of Ryan Adams

What time is bed time? Enough time to read before sleep before 12. 

If you could wake up anywhere tomorrow morning, where would it be? With her 

God I'm obsessed.

Questions:

When did Mary Kate become a hipster icon?
Is this essay any good?
Who will I see from college regularly?
What's the difference between Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry?
Did Watchmen have some deep hidden meaning that I missed or was it just a story?
When will I write something interesting? In fact I might post my short story about the virtual funeral service. I just need to write it first.

Monday, March 16, 2009

LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH

Personally, I don't think I'm very photogenic. I'm not saying I'm hideously ugly, although I have thought I was pretty unattractive towards the opposite sex in the past, but I blame that on lack of confidence, lack of understanding of myself and lack of puberty, but it's difficult to take a photo of me where I look good unless it's a candid one of me looking pensive in black and white.

Exhibit A:

The top three are coloured and posed whereas in the bottom three they are monochrome (bar the middle one) and candid. This means one of two things; I can't smile well and I have terrible colouring.

What I'd really like is a photo session to produce 10 or so photos that make me look good. Or just a friend who takes good photos. Is that too much to ask?

I look at people's flickr and tumblr things and they've got all these great grainy or well lit photos of themselves. 

You probably think I'm so vain.....

Sunday, March 15, 2009

BLOG VS BLOG


I'm no luddite. I've got a shiny MacBook, a blog, a tumblr account and a twitter account. But what for? Having been on all of these for a while, here are my thoughts.

Blog: The type of people who have blogs don't really care who reads them and they put what they want up. This is usually a mixture of words and pictures, it will account lives so it can be difficult or nice to read. People will give opinions on things such as music, films and fashion, or even their own lives.

Tumblr: Where do I start? Tumblr accounts are either a series of uplifting messages photographed in an arty way, snippets of song lyrics from bands like The Academy Is..., Boys Like Girls or some other soft emo band, or porn. There seems to be absolutely no restriction (bar the illegal) on what you can post on tumblr, even music which is odd given copyright is such a grey area on the internet.

Twitter: This gives people an inflated sense of self worth as they feel as though they are friends with celebrities as they can reply to their posts. The celebrities will rarely respond.

But who am I to talk. I have a blog no one reads, go on tumblr to look at uplifting messages and arty porn and go to twitter to see what Trent Reznor and Pete Wentz are saying. 

Monday, March 09, 2009

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE SO SAD?


I suppose you can tell my frame of mind when I'm referencing Ryan Adams lyrics in casual conversation. There was another band I quoted the other day, but I can't remember it.

1. When talking about someone's rocky relationship, I said, "What, what are the words they use when they know it's over? 'We need to talk' or 'I'm confused, maybe later you could come over.'"

2. When liking a girl from afar, I said, "I remember seeing you the other day but I don't remember saying goodbye. Alls I know is the sky went clear and babe I think I wanted to die."

The best line in that song is "For everyday of sun, I get a month of rain." 

Friday, March 06, 2009

SHE GAVE ME A PEN.....


A quick look at the papers.

Went to see Metallica and The Bronx this week. I always say after I see Metallica that it will be the last time I see Metallica. The show in September was a lot better to this one but probably only due to the seats we had. The show was great, but due to the sparsely populated area in front of us, the sound was a bit muddy. But they did play Turn The Page which I love.

The Bronx also wasn't quite as good as last time, again due to the last venue being tiny and this one being a bit bigger. The opening of Heart Attack American last time was so good - "You know what to do. I want the drinkers to drink, the moshers to moshers and the stage divers to get the fuck up!" But they play Six Days A Week this time.

Look, El Bronx. And hear how good Matt Caughthran's voice is....



I thought screamo was dead, but then I heard Chiodos.

Yes, I am home on a Friday night but a Friday without her isn't a night to be out right now. Two more Fridays to savour. However, I may be in danger of being ostracized soon. See below.

I love YOU, but I'm not that keen on YOU at the moment. 

I finally fucking finished The Count Of Monte Cristo. That's probably why I went out so much this week. Wait and Hope.

Couple of new blogs I like. One and two.

Thanks Mark for today. Quoting Dazed & Confused has never been so fun.

Spin has a question which is - What comes after Radiohead on your ipod? Although they changed it this month to what comes after The Shins on your ipod which isn't so accessible. A: Rage Against The Machine and The Shirelles respectively.


Saturday, February 28, 2009

DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK


Let's get things straight here. It's not that bad. You have good days and bad days, but as I might have said earlier, the good days just aren't that interesting, and also it's a bit more difficult to protect the innocent on the good days as names get bandied around.

The bad days are so much easier to write about. Everyone loves a tortured artist. The Verve on drugs - brilliant. The Verve without drugs - bad. Radiohead full of angst - brilliant. Radiohead loving their children - rubbish. Ryan Adams fucked up on drugs and in a pit of heartbreak - wonderful. Ryan Adams sober - a bit dull (sorry). And it's all about venting; you have to get it out when you're upset. When you're happy you want to savour it and keep it for yourself. 

Also if you tell people you're happy, they think you're smug. If you tell them you're depressed, there's a good chance they'll think you're edgy.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

AND I CAN'T STOP SH SH SH SHAKING

I don't know what I'm doing Part 2

What am I doing? How do I get out of this ridiculous mess? What does one do? 

So far I've written, in that strange place where no one will see - and no not this site you cynical cow, a) what I will do when it all goes to seed, and b) why I am like this?

I honestly have no idea how to act. I know how I want to act but it's inappropriate and not acceptable because of the circumstances. I know what I want to say but as we've seen over the last few days it doesn't make anyone happy, and when it does it's only for a fleeting moment. But as I have said before, not to you but to you (not that you read this now we've moved on) that it's worth every second.

Lines that come to mind:

I wish you would
Come pick me up
Take me out
Fuck me up
Steal my records
Screw all my friends
Theyre all full of shit
With a smile on your face
And then do it again

And as he said "because it was so fucking worth it"

My life, up until this point and excuse me for not thinking about the starving Africans and the disabled children, has been a fucking chore. I think it was about 12 years ago that I realised I only needed one thing to make it all worthwhile. I haven't found that thing until now and it is now out of reach, not unlike the Holy Grail at the end of Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade. But maybe that's what it's like. It can give me everything, but only in that place. I can't take it out otherwise it will destroy everything. 

I need to get Come All You Weary tattooed across my chest.

Too much harrowing and not enough screwball comedy.


Sunday, February 22, 2009

CLOAK AND DAGGER


What makes you stand out from the crowd? What gives you that edge over all the others? Do you want that edge?

I've got to apply for jobs and sell myself even though I don't think I'm very good yet. I'm no good at lying although it seems I've got to start doing it on a couple of things. So now I've got to start lying to a) further my career and b) protect myself. Let's look at these one by one.

a) I can't go all out lie and say I've done things I haven't but I can maybe embellish the truth a little by jazzing up my ordinary skills. I need to think hard about what I've done in order to fill out this form. But what have I done? Not fucking much.

b) I can go all out and lie because if I don't this whole thing could end. I think we both have the same feelings but it's difficult to show them in the current situation. And you, there's probably no need for you to look at this anymore because I can now say everything I want to you, but I'll still mention you because right now you are everything.

As JGW said the other day, quite harrowing and not enough comedy.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

MY, WHAT A GOOD DAY FOR A WALK OUTSIDE



It's a bit annoying that the lettering is inconsistent. Photoshop isn't everything it's cracked up to be. That's not a sneaky pun, it's a trial version.

I'M AN OG AND I BUST BACK


Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. 

This explains ggg something gg gggg ggg gg gg ggg. gg one gggggg this to happen, but g ggggggg gggggg can gggg g ggg ggg things. It may not be ggg ggg (and let's gggg gg ggg gggg gggg not) but let this be g gggggg gg ggg ggg gg gg gggggggg gggg. It was gggg ggg ggg gg ggg I'm not a ggggggggg man, but I would gggg gg gggg gg ggggg ggg gg gg work out well.

gg, gg gg gg alright. Life gggg gggg. gg gggg, gg hasn't even started.  

Sincerely, little girl.

Night posting - never good.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

WHERE'S THE MEDICATION I NEED?


1. This woman on the radio right now really isn't funny. Virgin (Absolute) Radio is on with Geoff Lloyd. I don't really like this radio station as it's really for the man in the van. Geoff Lloyd sounds like Chris Evans so it keep confusing me when I get home. Anyway, everyday about the time I have a cup of tea (a good part of my day), this woman, who I'm sure is only there to read the travel but somehow got her own slot, talks about a song and dissects the lyrics to show that the song is meaningless. It could be a funny idea as I remember being obnoxious once and picking holes in a joke someone was telling, and that got a good reaction, but her delivery is so crap. And Geoff Lloyd, if that is his real name, insists on laughing. How he can do it I don't know. He must be threatened with the sack everyday and then after his show he has one of those moments where you call up in a ball in the shower with all your clothes on just rocking back and forth. And don't get me started on Christian O'Connell these days.

2. I am stuck with my brother-in-laws parents, listening them to attempting to look after the kids. I'm not the perfect babysitter, but they don't really know what they are doing. Which is odd considering they had two children of their own. Maybe I'm just bitter because I've had to sleep on the sofa bed in the dining room for the last 3 days with the inconsiderate cats and a buzzing computer.

I may have felt better if I'd seen someone today. But I'll have to wait until tomorrow.

Monday, February 16, 2009

WILL YOU CONFUSE MY LOVE FOR THE COBWEBS?

That's not the lamp saying that. It's George.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

IF YOU LOVE ME, WHY'D YOU LET ME GO?

One should never post twice in one day, but I have to share Garfield Minus Garfield - the inner struggle of Jon Arbuckle in his futile existence.

By removing Garfield from Garfield, we see the root of Jon's problems as a lonely single man in a suburb of misery. Talking to his cat is not the answer, he is just hiding what we all know.

A particular favourite:


I've been thinking of doing something similar for a while to the George and Lynne comics.


IF YOU'D ONLY, IF YOU'D ONLY SAY YES


Singles. Jesus, there's a reason you're single.

The first thing that comes to mind that discos when you don't know anyone are exactly the same as when you are 11, except there's alcohol involved. No one knows what to say to each other, so they get drunk and think what they are doing is flirting. To some people it might be flirting, but if you're going to tweak someone's ear follow it up with a hello at least, and if you're going to steal someone's hat, please give it back because I want to go home.

Anyway, let's just say that last night was pretty badly organised. The door staff were rude and the music was too non-descript. Where's the chart cheese? Play I Kissed A Girl, The Fear or Sex On Fire if you want people to start snogging.

But I didn't like it. You just got stared at. Lots of people looking around to see who they fancied but not doing anything about it. We felt the tension in the room was just going to burst out and any minute it would just descend into an orgy. I believe that was my first and last valentine's singles do. They don't work, certainly not for me. Romance can't be forced, that's what makes it romantic. The movies may lie to us, but they are just an idealogy of what happens. It doesn't happen with great cinematography, but it does happen. Well, I like to think so.

Not me of course, there's no reason I'm single.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

BURN


Over the last 5 weeks, posting has been complete therapy. What do you do when you've chosen a new profession and it's not filling you with the joy that you expected it to, and the old profession that you gave up because you only wanted it as a hobby but it's still a sort of profession is filling you with as little joy? Well I vent, and this is the outlet to do it in. Believe me this is not it. If you delved inside the special black book then you'd see the 'ugly' side, but most of that is about people who've spoken to me at a urinal (heathens) and films I've seen.

I will vent when I can,or when I need to. Or just when I'm at the computer and I don't feel like working. Now I'm back in popular culture I may vent on what is going on in Mad Men, Chelsea's current predicament, what will Quentin Tarantino's new film like and what will the new Green Day album sound like. Not that subversive, but no one wants to hear me wallowing in self pity about the girl who blah blah. Always keep your diary hidden from your mother.

Until the next vent.