BATTLES LOST, BATTLES WON

Well, without wanting to blow my own trumpet, I did it. 2 years on from reading an interview with the giant toby jug filled with hot piss that is Adrian Chiles about his music collection that changed the way I looked at working in music, I am now a qualified teacher.

Here is what I have learned from the past year:

Some kids you will hate, but it doesn't matter if they end up knowing how to use a protractor.

Don't get involved with someone who is in a relationship.

I'm a shit landlord.

I've got quite a loud voice.

I can make children cry.

Don't forget who your true friends are when you're making new ones.

If you're lazy, you get what you deserve.

SUMMER

So that was the first big weekend of the summer... Starts Thursday as usual with a canteen quiz and again no-one wins the big cash prize. Later I do my sound bloke routine by approaching Gina's new boyfriend to say that he shouldn't feel that there's any animosity between us and then I even go and make peace with her. I shouldn't have bothered. Then on Friday night we went through to the Arches...

There was only one car going, so some of us had to get the train. We got through quite late. Then we went to a pub to take the gear. There was no problems getting in - we saw some others waiting down the front of the queue so we skipped in. It was a good night, everyone was nutted and I ended up dancing with some blonde girl. I thought she had been quite pretty until last night when Matthew informed me that she had, in fact, been a pig. When the club finished we wandered the streets for a while until we got to this 24-hour cafe but I didn't like the look of it so we left and got a taxi back to Morag's flat. I couldn't sleep, so I sat about drinking someone else's strawberry tonic wine and tried to keep everyone else up.

Then at ten o'clock in the morning we went downstairs to buy some drink. We had intended to watch the football in the afternoon but we'd passed out by then and slept right through it, awaking to find that England had won two-nil. Then we went to get the train home and had a few in the Station bar. We had some stuff left from the previous night's supplies so when we got home we decided to go down to John's indie disco. Same story as Friday - lots of hugging, lots of dancing etc. etc. I couldn't sleep again so went up the park to look at the tomb, taking a detour through the playpark. To get in we had to climb over a ten foot steel fence, which resulted in severe bruising of our hands, legs and groins, but we had a good laugh on the stuff, especially the tube-slide, which probably doubles up as a urinal for drunk teens. Then we walked through the woods to have a look at the tomb. It was a big disappointment, but the mist on the lake was cool.

Sunday afternoon we go up to John's with a lot of beer in time to watch the Simpsons. It was a really good episode about love always ending in tragedy except, of course, for Marge and Homer. It was quite moving at the end and to tell you the truth my eyes were a bit damp. Then we watched these young girls in swimsuits have a water fight in the street. "Taping this, aye?" We went up to the pub about ten. It was busy for a Sunday night, lots of people we know, including my first ever girlfriend who I still find very attractive, quite frankly, but I didn't really speak to her. She's probably still a bitch, anyway. Her friend Gillian was there, I had a chat with her, she was still quite pleasant. At the same time I watched Malcolm make some terrible attempt to try and chat up a girl we know called Jo. He made some remark about her skirt that was barely there the previous night or something. I couldn't sleep again that night, thanks to some seriously disturbing nightmares...Matthew says I should cut down on the cheese.

"Went out for the weekend, it lasted for ever, high with our friends it's officially summer."

I got some sleep eventually on Monday afternoon. It was a beautiful day, and later that evening Malcolm introduced me to the power of Merrydown - £1.79 a litre, 8.2% - mmmm..... Judith and Laura came round later and we sat in my back garden and drank. Then Matthew came round and we went up the town. It's officially summer.

I need a break. I cannot wait for next weekend.

THE WHITE TRASH PERIOD OF MY LIFE

The barbers has shut, and I'm in need of a haircut. It's not as easy as just going into a hairdresser and asking for a haircut. You need to feel comfortable. My hair is terrible and I need a way to eith cover or embrace the thin patch at the front. Last night I was contemplating the grade 4 but I think that would be too short. Oh what a quandry!

P.S. I still don't know what I'm doing.

ON A CONCRETE ROAD TO RECOVERY

Note to self: stop thinking so far in advance.

This week is very important. I have an interview and my final observation. It makes or breaks the rest of my life. I'm meant to be preparing for the interview and my literacy lessons. What am I doing? Thinking about Rock Band The Beatles and how I want my flat to look when I move back in.

Not cluttered but not clinical, I think. Halfway between.

AN ENGLISH GARDEN

God this makes me smile. We should be thankful everyday that we had The Beatles.

LACHRYMOLOGY II

Today I saw 5 people cry. All of them are under 10 and one of them was my fault.

I had to. I had to stamp my authority down on a situation that could have got chaotic. In some ways I felt bad, but I couldn't back down after I made my decision.

The other tears were due to friendships or lack of them. I also felt a bit bad but it now comes with the territory.

Reading

Listening

Watching

Talking of Stephen King, I think I'd like to read the Dark Tower series, but I'm not sure I can give myself to all of a 7 part literary epic.

TWO MINDS

An interview with myself (how self indulgent)

Me: How are you today?

You: I feel alright today. I quite like it when the weather is bad as it justifies me not leaving the house. I have to work and I have the day all planned out and it probably only involves leaving the house once. It's nice not having any people under the age of ten around, but there are short moments when I get a bit lonely, but you just fill that with work or entertainment.

Me: You make a point of talking about loneliness but you make a conscious decision not to go out at certain points. Why is that?

You: Well for a start, I do have a lot of work to do. I have to work hard if I want to get the job I want. It may be half term but it hasn't meant I'm free and easy. I'm used to living on my own so this is a period where I can actually do the things I want to, watch the TV I want to etc. I think if I did live on my own, which I will do soon, I will go out more. But of course the drinking will have to be curbed as the hangovers are getting much worse these days. 

Me: What do you like to drink?

You: When I'm out it's cider, preferably Strongbow. If I'm in it's red wine. I can and will drink white wine and lager but it's second choice. The problem is that I find it so tasty, red wine in particular. You are meant to enjoy it all in moderation but that's where the difficulty lies. If I was able to I'd only eat chocolate and crisps, or roast lamb, but it's just not possible.

Me: What would be the perfect meal then?

You: I think a roast lamb with the trimmings so to speak. The one I had at New Year's last year came pretty close to the mark.

Me: Speaking of favourites, let's do a few quick fire questions.

You: Ok

Me: Try not to think about it, just answer the first thing that comes into your head. Favourite film?

You: I watched Garden State again last night and it had the same effect on me as the first time I saw it, maybe even more so. But maybe I'm only saying that as it's so fresh in my mind. Spinal Tap or Fletch too.

Me: What makes the comedies so much longer lasting?

You: It isn't the films themselves, it's the quoting afterwards. The funniest time I watched Anchorman was with 4 friends. It took us about 2 hours to watch a 90 minute film because we were rewinding it so much.

Me: Favourite band/artist?

You: Ryan Adams. There's bits I'm not keen on but he's someone who really captured my imagination. Tool are a close second but there's only a small amount to draw from.

Me: What's your favourite Ryan Adams song then?

You: A very difficult question. A favourite moment was Crossed Out Name the last time I saw him live. I love I See Monsters and When The Stars Go Blue but the best song is probably Jacksonville Skyline.