Thursday, November 30, 2006


It was the fat lesbian from the Gossip. This is wrong because it gives people the false hope that anyone can become a rock star. It is also wrong because fat people shouldn't be rock stars. Rock stars should be people we wish we were. They are better than us. They wear clothes we would never get away with. They start trends. They change our lives. I want my rock stars so high up on a pedestal that I can never dream of touching them. I want them taking drugs. I want them making music on drugs. Rock stars shouldn't be fat. If I want to see a fat person I'll watch Wife Swap or go to Chicken Cottage. How can you worship a fat person. We can all be fat. We can't all write Reptilia.

Sunday, November 19, 2006


This Wednesday sees NME publish their, quite frankly, horrible 'Cool List'. The Cool List is an excuse for NME hacks to name all the new artists before anyone else to prove they are so on the pulse, even though half of the peole they name will either be forgotten or hated by them a year later. It serves no purpose and doesn't mean they'll sell anymore records. If anything, more kids will dress like said cool people and then they'll become out of fashion even more quickly.

I can't guess who will top the list this year, but I can have a go at who will be high up the list, just by seeing the bands who always appear in NME but don't sell any records:

Kate Jackson from The Long Blondes - A band who've been at it for 4 years but had to wait for the new Britpop phase to come back again.
Faris Tosser from The Horrors - Poor.
Jarvis Cocker - Proof that if you wait long enough, people will forget your shit albums.
Noel Gallagher - He's got a Best Of out but, I quite like him, and
Albert Hammond Jr.
Pete Doherty - but he won't be number one as NME have to stop glamourising his drug use.
Lovefoxxx from CSS - She might actually be number one, if only NME had written an article on them before the Guardian did.

When I thought about this before, I had a lot more bad bands in my mind. I feel as though I've let meyself down a bit. We'll see how I get on.

I suppose after slagging a few people off, I should put my neck out and say who I think is cool. It's very subjective, but I won't apologise. So in no order:

1. Gerard Way (see last post)
2. Ryan Adams - He may be a shit half the time, but the other half makes up for that.
3. Billie Joe Armstrong - The new king of reinvention.
4. Paul McCartney circa 1966 - Turning up to record Sgt Pepper sporting the roll neck and moustache.
5. John Frusciante - Time to join the Mars Volta full time though. Leading to
6. Cedric Bixler Zavala - Great hair, even greater wailing.
7. Albert Hammond Jr - Just pipping Casablancas to coolest Stroke.
8. Cat Power (or Chan Marshall as she is) - Depression rules.
9. Chino Moreno - Even more so now get doesn't care and got fat.
10. Eddie Vedder - Integrity is the highest form of cool.

Sorry there's only one woman in there.

Anyway, we'll see how many of mine make the cut according to NME.

Oh and Jemina Pearl from Be Your Own Pet. She's great.

Monday, November 06, 2006


Gerard Way dying his hair is probably the best thing anyone has ever done. Why? Well it's quite long winded, and before we begin, let me state that I am using the word 'emo' as a style trend and not as a genre of music. I know that true emo is Fugazi or Rites Of Spring etc and not one dimensional tattooed bands like 18 Visions, but that also is part of my argument.

Ok, so Gerard Way is the Crown Prince of Emo. He has an alcoholic past, a love of horror and comics and a pasty face. And his band are fantastic. So all the emo kids look the same. They all wear cons, black jeans, maybe eyeliner, maybe finger polish. But most importantly they all have asymmetric dyed black haircuts. All of them. But they all think they are outcasts for looking different. They look different to the jocks, or townies and chavs over here. But how can they be so different when they all look the same. They say they have an identity which, in fairness, they do.

So Gerard says that he wants to detach his band from emo, whether it be the image or the music. And to do this he has chosen to cut his hair and dye it blond. And what is so brilliant about this you ask. The fact that no one, none of the emo followers can copy him. They all desperately want to, but they can't because then they would have to admit to conforming, and that is totally against what they stand for. Gerard Way has become more individual than he could possibly have hoped for. If the whole band had done it, then it would be easy for an emo kid to dye his hair, as it would then be a movement. But as it's only one person, if any kid did the same, all his neighbourly social misfits would scream 'you only did that because Gerard Way did', and they would be right. Because no one would've thought of that had he not done it.

So by the simple act of dying his hair, Gerard Way has made all the emo kids look at each other and think, Shit, we do all look the same, and maybe he will kill of the whole look.

I would like to dye my hair blond now, but fear the backlash.