Friday, January 30, 2009


Confidence. Certainly not the habitual voyeur of what is known as.

Jesus Christ, you'd think that after 30 years, ok 15 years, I might have actually developed some. Let's put this straight; unless it's about a certain song or band, I have no confidence in what I'm saying. Actually, there was a point at a wedding recently where someone asked me what my passion was. I said music and started talking about it, only to get this realisation that everyone was actually listening to me and I felt very self conscious and didn't like it.

So I have little to no self confidence. It took me 29 years to work out who I was, and then I went and changed everything. It took me 29 years to be comfortable with who I was and what I'd become and then I go and throw myself onto a bed of nails. Some people would say that that is commendable. I say it's pretty foolish. Aren't we all looking for the easy life; something I asked the great Josh Rouse once. Well, I asked him if he was just looking for the easy life and his reply was "Aren't we all?" He is right. But we can't be bored, otherwise we might aswell end our life straight away, because life won't get any more interesting.

At moments when I'm feeling very, how can I say this, tested, I have to remind myself where I was before. In the same job for almost 8 years surrounded by no one I cared for, let alone liked, out of my one and only (failed) relationship having gone nowhere for the last 5 years except into my own place, which is now riddled with damp (an overstatement). So I had to change, I had to.

But when you throw yourself into something incredibly difficult then the confidence is bound to diminish. I may have little self-confidence, but quite frankly I'd really dislike myself if I did.

If only I could live my life two pints pissed. But then I'd be an alcoholic.

Listening to Mars Volta
Losing weight
Marking Sci-Fi stories

And look - the trailer for The Damned United. I'm so excited I'm posting before I've even seen it.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009



What have people said about time?

"There is never enough time, unless you're serving it." Malcolm Forbes

"The time is gone, the song is over, thought Id something more to say." David Gilmour

"Where did the good times go?" Richard Ashcroft

"Where have all the good times gone?" Ray Davies

"All those things that never came to be, they are just a whisper in time." Greg Graffin

But none of that really helps. 

There was a time (ha ha ha) when I had too much time. Bored out of my tiny little mind. Only filling this time with trivial pursuits. This was not the life for me. So I changed. There was less and less time. Now there is no time. Time only for eating and sleeping, well that was last night. Obviously there's time enough tonight to write this, but there shouldn't be. Well there isn't, so I'll have less time sleeping. 

At this point, when all your time is being used up and you're not having much fun, you have to ask yourself "is it worth it?" At this moment in time, I have to say "I don't know." There's only way to find out and that is to spend the time finding out.

According to this I only have 26 years left anyway.

Saturday, January 24, 2009


A quick look at tomorrow's papers:

Useless Superhero powers - click (turned on by FireWire

Most ridiculous Metal album covers - click (I own one of these)

Most awesome Metal album covers - click (I own two of these) - note the album that appears in both lists

Minimalist poster designs - click

Frusciante has a new album out. 

There seems to be a similarity between Frusciante, Gallo and the new Phoenix.

Amusing Puscifer promo video - click

Nice Watchmen video - click

I am currently:
taking Nytol
eating fizzy cola bottles

Friday, January 23, 2009


Thank god it's not just me. 

I remember when I went to New York for the first (actually third but first time on a stand alone trip) and Gail and I were up for 28 hours, with maybe a 2 hour sleep somewhere along the line, just to be at the bar for Ryan Adams' birthday. Was it worth it? A different story all together. But I remember the day after. I had delusions, I felt as low as possible and it was horrible. Gail then told me about serotonin and the other one. It all made sense. I was feeling that way due to lack of sleep. 

Then came yesterday. All down to lack of sleep. But it's hard to sleep when you keep waking up every two hours thinking about what you're going to say. But of course the kids don't think about that. Why should they? I certainly never did. 

Let us forget about yesterday, or rather use it on how not to live a week. That is why I have taken a Nytol and not set the alarm.

Sunday, January 18, 2009


I really don't know what I'm doing. But do any of us? 

I'm retraining to be a primary teacher and let me tell you it's hard as hell. People have said "oh yeah, this and your NQT year are the hardest". I thought it was because you hadn't really developed the skills but it seems to be that a) you have to write all your lessons from scratch (I've written 5 short Sci-Fi stories this week alone) and b) I really don't know what I'm doing. I've been spoon fed some plans but I just don't know if it's right or not. I don't know if I talk to the children in the right way and I don't know if I'm saying the right thing to get the right answers. I don't know if they've actually learned anything that day.

I really don't know what I'm doing when I play football. I play in goal and I just do what I think is right to stop goals going in but I don't know what I'm doing.

I really don't know what I'm doing when it comes to the opposite sex. One proper girlfriend in 30 years of life speaks for itself. I don't know what attracts women. I don't know what is my attractive quality. I don't know the right thing to say. I don't know how to sustain an attraction with a certain female at the moment. I don't know what is too much or what is too little. 

And you don't know anything either. You only know what you've been told or if something isn't right because it didn't work. Even if you're an expert in a certain field you only know what someone else told you, or what you read in a book. 

I really don't know what I'm doing.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


There's not much to say today, so here's Serge Gainsbourg looking cool.

Monday, January 12, 2009


What do you mean you're bored? There's free music out there (legit free too) and you're reading this? What are you doing? In fact what am I doing? There's lessons to plan and I'm pointing music out to no one.

Anyway, Nine Inch Nails' The Slip is still free, I think, so go and get it. It isn't vintage NIN but it rocks here and there.

Also, a young band called Community Gun are giving music away. Mr Rollogrady mentioned this one first. He's got more time than me.

But get Community Gun - click on Audio at the top to get to the download bit.

The Fall Out Boy album is great. It's pop music with a message, although I'm not sure what that message is. My favourite lyric is:

"I wanna scream I love you from the top of my lungs, but I'm afraid that someone else will hear me"

Ever felt like that?

Sunday, January 11, 2009


Having been to a load of new blogs to look at their Best Of '08 lists, I looked at the album covers of all these artists I've never heard of (but the music is great) and all I could think of was this (apologies for self linking, how big is my ego?!).

But you can see what I mean. From the covers below, you wouldn't know which ones were real and which were made up.

Thursday, January 08, 2009


Prog was killed by Punk. Punk gave us Hardcore. I like Hardcore and Prog. Punk, as it was in the late 70s, isn't really my thing. I thank The Ramones and The Sex Pistols for what and who they influenced, but I find them a little dull. 

Here are some Prog albums I'd like.

Monday, January 05, 2009


Our Jeff's got a new band. I never really heard anything when he told me about it but I stumbled upon it over the weekend. 

I will now be the Official Unofficial Unofficial Blog for Jerusalem (the band, not the city - that would be a grand task).

First we have Sweet Chariot, which has a wonderful Beirut-esque trumpet line in it, although I'm sure he'll kill me for saying that.

Hello Jeff - see you soon.