NEVER:
a) go into a pub with a flat roof
b) text someone when you want a reply
c) be friends with someone who describes themselves as mad (unless you work in a mental hospital, because it's likely they might be a god of some kind)
d) buy a book that is advertised on the tube (typical tagline - 'They thought it would never happen...')
e) take sartorial advice from a man with a single vented jacket
f) fall in love with someone you shouldn't
g) spend more than 24 hours without speaking to someone
h) take sweets from strangers
i) go back in time
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