WHISTLE POSSE

1 whistle = you stop talking

2 whistles = you assume the position of your soldier

3 whistles = you hit the deck

A fun idea? I suppose, but not when you're being told safety instructions about going on a boat. Not when you're in a nice pub at lunchtime in Lymington. Not when you're in a busy curry house on Saturday night in the most stag and hen infested town I have ever been to.

What with my upbringing, education, friends I have surrounded my self with and general all round snobbiness, I never thought I would have to go to a stag weekend like that. Everything I have strived for was washed away by being in the Walkabout in Bournemouth. I hope it's the last one.

Not to say there weren't laughs. Piz Wai, Dirty Dancing, Meduri, Oliver Reed. But I'm not a fan of whistles, sunburn, outfits and funnels.

The irony being I was more drunker and stayed up later in Sofia but had a much better time. Take note: don't force me to drink. I'll do it anyway, so don't force me.

Here's looking forward to the third weekend.

AN OPEN LETTER TO SOFIA

Dear Sofia,

Don't run before you can walk. We had a great time together but I don't think you're ready. Take it back a step. You think you're ready but you've tried too hard too soon. You're like a 15 year old who fancies the 20 year old, wearing too much make up. We don't want wall to wall pizzerias in Bulgaria, nor do we want the 'super club' which is empty. We want some traditional restaurants and some bars with dancefloors. We want 80s, 90s or rock music, not ear-bleeding faceless techno.

That said, I loved my time with you but you have some growing up to do.

All the best

William

PS That could could of course be exactly what you want, so sorry if it is, but the clubs were pretty empty.

THE TIGER'S CLAW

I just scanned in all the Leper's Chronicles so that's a reason to get back to work on the Rokkard blog. By god it's been a while.

Bands who had great albums but then really bad albums:

Radiohead - let's be fair, Hail To The Thief is poor, for them.
Rufus Wainwright - After Poses and the Wants he believed his uber-queen hype and put out the tripe that is Release The Stars.
The Used - First album, great. Second album, one good song. Third album, toss.
Weezer - We have hope for the new Red album (especially from the cover) but Make Believe wasn't good.

ART SCHOOL GIRLFRIEND

The question is, does art have to have a message or can it just be for entertainment?

I class all paintings, installations, sculptures, films and music as art. Well, with the latter two, especially the music and film I like. Even films like Batman or Hulk try and give some sort of moral message, or an analogy for modern life. All film directors will try and give a message, and film writers don't just want to make you smile, they want to change your life, or at least make you think.

Also with music, writers and lyricists will take time to tell you something, otherwise they might as well just use a keyboard for the music and sing la la las for the words.

Anyway, I went to an installation at the Serpentine Gallery a couple of months ago. It was essentially different shapes of light with smoke. Although I enjoyed it, I struggled to find any message. But half way through I noticed everyone enjoying it, and at one point my art partner said it was like walking to your death toward the light. 'Was this the message?' I thought. I doubt it. So even though I found no message but it was entertaining.

So why when I went to see Lonesome Jim last night, a film, was I searching for a message too? Films are more likely to be classed as entertainment but I was ultimately disappointed that there was no message? I can be entertained by some light and smoke, but a well written film with great performances and funny moments had me wanting more. Maybe it was just a little lacking that I wanted a message to make it all come together, whereas two of the best films I saw this year, namely There Will Be Blood and Control just came across as complete pieces.

Discuss.

IT'S A BLOODY SHAMBLES

When you get fired on The Apprentice, do you have to pay for your own cab fare? Because they just seem to order you a cab, and it's a black cab.

Alastair Darling has very dark eyebrows for a silver haired man.

Listen to Yeasayer. In fact, download two songs:

MP3: Yeasayer - 2080

Yeasayer - Sunrise

TOP TRUMPS

I was at a party on Saturday night and some guys arrived, one of which had his birthday that day. As a sociable fellow I started a conversation (there were about 6 of us in the kitchen, none of whom I knew) and asked which famous people he shared his birthday with.

"Hitler" he replied.

I was furious. How dare he lie and try and up himself by saying he shares a birthday with Hitler, when in fact Hitler has the same birthday as me. I had to take him down a peg or two right there. Hitler is my trump card and I won't have anyone taking it from me.

EYES FRONT

Here's a question - what would you most like to say to people if there was no repercussions? As we're not living in a Wes Anderson film we can't be completely honest, but if I could say everything in my head, I don't think Iwould say anything as much as (and excuse my language):

WATCH WHERE YOU'RE FUCKING GOING!!!

Now I'm no luddite; I own a computer (duh), ipod, digital camera, mobile phone and work recently gave me a Blackberry, suckers, and I've taken to it without disdain or even with the qualities of a heroin addict, but I think people on phones have meant they are less likely to look where they are going. Maybe I just look around myself more than the average street walker, but the amount of times someone turns straight into me has increased ten-fold in the last year or so.

I wish I had more examples of this, maybe in the coming weeks as I go about my business.

After that rant here are some good things:

Mad Men

Mystery Jets - Young Love

The South Park internet stars battle - I never saw or heard of Chocolate Rain before this.

Panic At The Disco - Northern Downpour

The prospect of seeing Shawn Smith and Death Cab For Cutie (not together)

Death Cab For Cutie - I Will Possess Your Heart

The music on this blog - Headfonehaus

And I'm sure blogger will screw up the spacing again.

DON'T BE THAT GUY

For a moment yesterday we become 'one of those people'. Usually we play competitive football of a Sunday, but due to only having one game left and a pre-booked pitch, Seb, Bernie, Paul & I decided to have what is commonly known as a kickabout. But when there's only 4 of you you have to make up the numbers somehow. And we had to be the ones making up the numbers by luring a load of Arabs and Kosovans into a game with our pre-booked pitch.

The problem is that having invited loiterers to play for us on a number of occasions, we should know full well that a) loitering around parks for a game is the lowest form of past time,and b) loiterers are undoubtedly terrible at football, because they can't get into a team.

I swore I would never ask to join a game, but we had to do it yesterday and for that I am slightly ashamed.

Saying that, that's how we met Leon.

P.S. I must add that this isn't the most exciting thing that happened in my life in the last 2/3 weeks. But the other important things are private, I won't write about them here, namely:

1. ██ █████████ ██████ ██████

2. ███████ ███ █████ ████

Hopefully these things will be public knowledge soon. Meanwhile I will work on my next film, if only my muse can be available for shooting. Those are technical terms.

I LOVE GEEKS

My first foray into movie making is above. I'm not mad on it but you have to start somewhere. The next one will have a theme and fades and shit. Starring Adrian, Alex, Chez, Owen, Alfie, Dave and maybe a couple of others. Don't tell Weezer I used their song.

SQUEEZE ME MACARONI

Seven days of dinner


Meat & veg

No effort

All in the oven

Pissed

Ate too much

Leftover

What Nikki would have had. You missed out there dear.

TEN YEARS MAN

THAT'S THE WAY WE GET BY

Went to see Spoon last night at the Scala. They really are very good. They're like the Picasso of US Indie; no straight lines. It's like they heard the entire Beatles back catalogue and decided 'Why Don't We Do It In The Road?' was their best song.

No photos, I'm too afraid of getting my camera confiscated at gigs. So here's a nice photo I didn't take.

YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN MY SAFE HOME

Saturday night was spent with Alex and Adrian at some pub in Fitzrovia.

When we met, Adrian was taking in The Mars Volta whilst I was rocking with Weezer.

Alex came later and was experiencing Burial as he arrived.

I wrote a sketch on the tube. Both laughed out loud when they read it so that made me happy.

Then after a search for a late pub we saw Roger Lloyd Pack wearing a flat cap. As we left I shouted 'Roger Lloyd Pack' because I am a child.

WE ARE MERELY EXCHANGING LONG PROTEIN STRANDS

Who does Hillary Clinton keep noticing in the crowd at her rallies? She seems to have a long lost friend in every state. And surely she would expect that person to turn up; she looks so surprised everytime.

Quite frankly I find it a little bit unprofessional:

"And people, I will bring our troops out of Iraq, and back home where they be- AAAAHHH CATHERINE!! I had no idea you were coming. Can't talk right now, doing a speech- long. THANK YOU!"

That picture above isn't exactly what I wanted, but you get the idea. The one below shows how fantastic Bill was.

COOL KIDS NEVER HAD THE TIME

What are the chances? The week I have no camera I pass a mad woman dancing in the tube station and loads of people dressed and racing with pancakes. Both perfect for capturing on video. Fear not, I have ordered a new one.

I have never worked on a Top 5 (or 10) Best Songs Ever list but I now think that 1979 by Smashing Pumpkins will be on it. Maybe Postcards From Italy by Beirut too.

Last night I went to see Okkervil River at the Scala. I had only heard one song before I went but it was very engaging. And completely packed.

Also I saw Paramore on Friday. Also pretty damn good, although the cover of Jimmy Eat World's Sweetness was ill-advised. I was most likely the oldest person there, evident by how easy it was to get to the bar. And I'm a mere 29!

I am currently liking the following songs:

1979 - Smashing Pumpkins

Nine In The Afternoon - Panic At The Disco

Grounds For Divorce - Elbow

After Hours - We Are Scientists

P.S. That photo isn't mine, and nor was the last one.

Why does the spacing always cock up on blogger? Rubbish.

THE PRODIGAL SON IS WAITING

I've been working on making a small film set to a piece of popular music. I still have a third to do and it's been taking a while. But now I seem to have lost my camera (blame red wine) so it's going to be even longer before I get it finished. It will be premiered here though, and then I'll do some more.

So that's the update. Here's a list of films I've watched in January:

Half Nelson

There Will Be Blood

Juno (twice)

Enduring Love

Before The Devil Knows Your Dead

Lust, Caution

Into The Wild

American Gangster

The Prestige

Transformers

Alpha Dog

The Machinist

RUN IN THE SHADOWS

Jason did some album covers (the picture quality isn't great for some reason).

Ful Medames – 'An Atheist, thank God'

Long-time Seu Jorge roadie finally releases the much-anticipated debut. Although thousands have heard snippets in the form of various ‘sound checks’ Ful has yet to play his own show. Making the leap from 20 second riffs to fully fledged songs has not been an easy transition as evinced by the 9 year wait, countless introspections and the all too visible breakdown at the 2005 Latin American Grammies, But was it worth it?

Douglas Wood – ‘Somebody May Be Looking’

Debut release from Teddington based Wood, largely written whilst serving a 24 month stretch for his part in the UK’s biggest Skunk growing ring. Hauntingly melodic tunes are interspersed with meandering solos often going off at tangents and on more than one occasion seeming to stop abruptly as if lost.

CTXM – ‘Stop Giving Them Things’

Emerging from a Berlin meeting of minds between VNV Nation, Apoptygma Berzerk and Nic Endo, CTXM, (pronounced Cataxiom) spew forth an intense, rhythmic 50,000V defibrillation on the seemingly deceased Digital Hardcore scene. Highlights include the guest appearance of Kyono (Mad Capsule Markets), sporting what can only be the evolution of a Keytar, on ‘Ode to Carl Crack’.

Cyanohydrin Reaction – ‘Are Brilliant at Breakfast’

Discovered by legendary Budgie bassist/vocalist Burke Shelley when he overheard a potential ridden yet shambolic rehearsal from the opticians. Shelley took ‘the reaction’ under his wing, installed his daughter Maz as vocalist and produced this symphonic rock masterpiece. Tours of Scandanavia and Italy will follow the release of the album’s first single – ‘Quest for Tarja’.

Pines – ‘to lie and cheat’

Written and recorded over a dark weekend in his parents Bovey Tracey farm Pines debut ‘to lie and cheat’ sees multi instrumentalist Kevin Kavanagh finally exorcising his life’s demons. Left battered and bruised after the humiliating breakdown of his relationship with Tesco’s cashier Chryysteen Smythe things didn’t look good but after some words of wisdom from ol’ Bernie at the pub on Friday night he locked himself away for the weekend and produced his finest work to date. You can feel the influence of Kavanagh’s daytime job as frontman for ‘Guzzlin’ Gobos’ but he somehow manages to break free from those harsh restraints and connect with a softer side. There is already much industry buzz about the follow up reputedly titled ‘not my cousin too’.

Sigdal – 'Nothing You Can Do'

Not much is known about Faroese nontet Sigdal, deeply layered audioscapes echo forth from this debut release perfectly capturing the futility of life in the North Atlantic whilst simultaneously warning of imminent dangers just around the corner.

HUSH I'M NOT THE MARRYING KIND

More fake first albums:

I'm thinking that Transatlantic Business Dialogue play post-rock out of the west coast of USA, probably from Portland. Musical differences mean that this is their only album.

Electric Multiple Unit are a chillout style act from Bristol. They used to be hardcore DJs but age has mellowed their tastes, although they occasionally DJ at club nights.

Emblem Book count American Music Club, Death Cab For Cutie and The Jayhawks as their influences, but three of the four members used to play hardcore. Think Band Of Horses with a an epic feel.

I think this is all I'll do from now on.

IF I WAS YOUNG I'D FLEE THIS TOWN

You're young, you've got a band, you've got songs but you've no band name, no album title and no album cover. Well fear not, you can do all this with the FIRST ALBUM GENERATOR (© not me).

First click HERE and take the entry title for your band name.

Then click HERE, and take the last four words of the last quote for your album title (you may need to generate a new list from the button at the bottom).

Finally click HERE and take the third image for your album cover.


Here are a few I've done:

The Curry-Howard Correspondence hail from Chicago and play dreamy indie-pop. The album was well reviewed in Pitchfork but the British press haven't gone for it.

Polsat 2 International are an electro duo from South London. It's sample driven but relatively minimalist. People thought it should have been Mercury nominated but they just missed out.

Finally we have Chrysler PT Cruiser who are most certainly post-hardcore from the Mid West of America. They rose from the ashes of a disbanded hardcore band (who I'm sure we'll see later) and sent waves across the genre when this album was released in the mid-nineties.

If anyone has a go, send me the results so I can post them here.

JUST ANOTHER NIGHT IN NANTES

Let's face it, Beirut are pretty damn cool. Well Zach Condon is, as he is essentially Beirut. I've totally fallen for The Flying Club Cup and I'm now revisiting Gulag Orkestar. Condon is, what, 21 years old, and has released 2 albums in just over a year, both completely different in style. The first was from the Balkans and the second is from 1940s France. It will be very interesting to see what he does next - I'm expecting at least an EP next year.

And he's rather a snappy dresser too.

Here are a couple of video which can be found on his website, but they should be nicely available for your ipod here.

Video: Elephant Gun (from Lon Gisland EP)

Video: Postcards From Italy (from Gulag Orkestar)

Buy Beirut